Being Okay

3. The One Who Was Never Mine

Hey, you.

I know I promised myself that I wouldn't open this drawer that i have shoved back in the deepest corners of my heart, but maybe it's time to empty it once and for all.

There was a time, not very long ago, when you were the center of my universe. When my day started with you and ended with you. When how I was, depended on you. When a smile on YOUR face made ME happy and a frown on YOUR face made ME sad. To put it in few words, I was completely dependent on you, emotionally. You were my moon, my stars, my sun, and my universe.

I remember my heart and chest physically hurting when I used to think of moving on and letting you go. I remember the feeling when you said you were glad you did't get into a relationship with me. I remember crying my fucking heart out when i saw how much in love you were with her and how you would never, ever love me that way. I remember hating myself for not being enough for you. Not smart enough, not pretty enough; just not good enough.

Falling in love with you taught me a lot of things. Firstly, it taught me to love. It taught me to be selfless despite everything. It taught me that even if the other person doesn't love you back, there is still something beautiful about it; the flirting, the sarcastic remarks, the sweet dreams about you both actually being together and so much more.

But even though falling in love with you taught me a lot of things, falling out of love with you taught me more. It taught me that the only person whom you should be dependent on emotionally, is YOU. It taught me that not everything goes according to the script in your head. It taught me that the person who accepts rejection is the strongest person. It taught me that sometimes you are the only one who can save yourself, and most importantly, it taught me that some stories, no matter how beautiful, are destined to remain incomplete. I may end up regretting a lot of things in my life, but falling for you will definitely not be one of them.

So, thank you. Thank you for not saying yes to me. As much as it hurt, it taught me a lot more and it made way for me to fall for someone who is capable of loving me back. Because frankly, I don't think you are, or you ever will be.

I don't hold any grudges against you, I never will. So, if at all you ever feel remorse, just know that i forgive you. Because you were never mine. And because you never will be. And for the first time, I'm thankful for it.

-The One You Don't Deserve.