Elusive Love

Ripples

Alec was sitting backstage while he listened to Magnus's performance. The difference between the way Magnus was singing now and the tone of his voice that Alec had heard when he'd entered the area was shocking. There had been a sorrow buried under the outward flow of Magnus's voice before, but now his voice felt stronger. Alec couldn't believe how he had missed it before. Magnus was elated by Alec's presence here and Alec had been so very wrong to think that someone like Magnus couldn't care for someone like him. Alec had just been stupid and clueless and scared.

Today, however, he was proud of himself for coming here and for following his heart when the crowd had hoisted him onto the stage. Kissing Magnus in front of so many people, and probably so many cameras, had been the bravest thing Alec had ever done and he suspected would ever do again. No matter what happened when Magnus joined him backstage, Alec wouldn't regret what he'd done. It was not that Alec was expecting Magnus to have bad news when he returned, it was just that Alec didn't want to assume Magnus's acceptance of his kiss on stage meant everything was fine. Alec had really hurt Magnus and they lived in different worlds. There was still lots to talk about.

The music continued and Alec couldn't help but revel in it. Listening to the recordings of the album had been emotional enough, but hearing Magnus sing them with so much energy was another. Alec found himself spell bound, his eyes closed, as he let the music fill his senses. He laughed when Magnus addressed the crowd to apologize for singing the sad song in such a good mood.

When Alec heard the concert come to a close and knew Magnus was on his way back, Alec couldn't help but be nervous. What should he say? Why did words always fail him? Magnus came towards him half running with a huge smile on his face and Alec felt his nervousness vanish. Even if he still didn't know what to say, Magnus's joyful expression eased his anxiety.

"Magnus," Alec whispered, standing up. "Your music-" Alec wanted to say so many things. He didn't have the words to tell Magnus just how magnificent his music was, how it moved Alec's very soul. Maybe it was because the songs were about their love or maybe it was how Magnus had captured their romance perfectly within those lines. Either way, in this moment all Alec wanted to do was tell Magnus exactly how exquisite his music was. The feeling of elation in Alec's chest was hard to describe and Magnus spoke before Alec had decided what to say next.

"Is about you," Magnus said softly as he placed a hand on Alec's cheek. Alec had assumed this based on the lyrics but hearing Magnus confirm it made him smile. Every move Magnus made showed Magnus wasn't upset with Alec. His body language was open and welcoming, but even so Alec needed to clear the air.

"I'm so sorry, Magnus," Alec said. "I never knew- I mean I didn't understand-" Again Alec was frustrated that he couldn't find the words. Magnus had written an entire album full of meaningful words and Alec couldn't find a single sentence to explain how big of a coward he had been. Why was it easier to write a poem than to tell someone face to face how you felt?

"I should have told you who I was," Magnus said, clearly not understanding what Alec had meant, but that was okay. "I was just scared telling you would mean losing you."

"Which it did," Alec muttered. "So I guess I can't really fault you there."

"But you came here tonight," Magnus said. Alec sensed from the topic change that Magnus didn't want to rehash the past so he let it go.

"Yeah," Alec mumbled. He looked down at his feet automatically as he spoke. "But I never do stuff like this. I just got in the car and left and..." Magnus's gentle hand came up to Alec's chin and guided his gaze up to look at Magnus.

"Why did you get in the car?" Magnus asked.

"Your album," Alec replied, looking right into Magnus's eyes. "I missed you when you were gone, but I told myself you didn't miss me. I tried not to think about it, but when dad showed me the album I realized I'd gotten everything wrong." There, he'd finally said something right.