Tomtord

Red

I sit looking out to the wide range scene my office window gives me, each time i look out into the distance i end up getting lost in my thoughts, leaving myself asking why? 

Useless, they don't need you

there it goes, the voice in my head telling me the reality i'm living in..

Die, they don't want you

why? i don't know, i sigh picking up my knife knowing he would stay persistent until i do what he demanded. Everyday i lived the nightmare of his voice yelling at me for the wrongs i did, the mistakes i made, the people i hurt. yes.. the one i hurt..

Red.. that's the colour you deserve, the colour of the ones you left behind, the ones you killed, the ones you hurt!

i began to guided the blade across my wrist, the crimson red blood dripping out as the memories of the past flood through my mind

"One for the people i left.. another for the ones i hurt.. a third for the soldiers that have a pathetic leader.." i mumbled to myself making deep clean slits down the good arm i have, 

"yes.. pathetic.. that's what i am.. four for the guy i loved" i began to choke on my words as the red spilling from my arm began to leave me speechless,

"five for the two i leave worried.. for the expressions they give me.. for how they have to take care of me.. for causing them pain.. for me BEING SO USELESS" that was the deepest cut i made, but yet, i felt no pain.

All i could hear was the sound of silence as i stared out the window,   

Yes.. Red, that's the colour i see, the colour that fills my mind when it isn't gray.. the beautiful colour of what i love and hate the most..

"Red.." the voices danced in my mind

"RED" it got louder.. why..?

"RED LEADER!!" I looked to see the face of pat close to mine, i tilted my head in confusion seeing the terrified expression on his face,

"Pat whats the matter?" i mumbled which i guess was a bad idea as he looked at me baffled like i grew two heads, i watched as he rushed to the shelf grabbing bandages and rubbing alcohol. i sighed as i watch him come back to me grabbing my arm as he bandages me up.

"Tord... you cant keep doing this.. try taking more care of the one good working human arm you have left for petes sake, i originally planned to come in here to force you to eat.. you cant just not eat for 5 days straight!" he mumbled softly half nagging me half talking to himself, but i liked that, it helped me calm down. All i could do was stare at him trying to keep my mind from wandering, we stayed in silence for a bit till pat broke it again "Why are you crying..?" I looked up at him in confusing as i brought my hand up to my face

Hot.. i felt around feeling that my eye were pouring with tears, I sat there in shock not knowing why i was crying "I-i.." is all i could come up with, which was fine because i was interrupted by the opening of the door. I looked over to see a tall figure, it was Paul

"Dinner time, and this time your eating it" he stated in a serious tone, but then noticed my red unsettled face, he sighed placing the try down in front of me "Don't worry, Pat cooked it for you" he said with a grin. 

"Thanks.." i whispered as they left my office. I sat there staring at my food trying to remember the last meal i ate, was it 4 or 5 days ago? i questioned myself as i began to munch on the pasta Pat made for me, it was on of my favourite meals he made. I smiled as the tears began to trail down my face landing on the tray my food was presented on, i mumbled sorry as i was only able to finish half my food before my stomach began to hurt, i got up and began stumbling over to my bed landing face first onto it. I rolled onto my back as i sighed knowing that my exhaustion has caught up to me, going without sleep while not eating really takes a toll on your body, but now that I've been doing it increasingly for the awhile now it wasn't to bad mentally now. The only part that got bad was the physical part but its not like i could help it, i was unable to sleep as the nightmares i had every time i slept grew worse and worse till i couldn't bare it anymore, i began forcing myself awake so i didn't have to re-live the same hellish dream over and over again... but now i have to brace it as for my eyes are unable to stay open anymore.. everything began to fade black as the sleep i need caught up with me.

~le dream~

I stand in the middle of nowhere surrounded by the black around me, i look down at my feet to see my reflection but extremely worse

Red

i was covered in blood, i didn't know why or how but it made my stomach turn, i stumbled back fighting the urge to puke till the floor under me began to fall as i fell with it,  falling into an endless pit of darkness never ending, i try to scream but i couldn't, not even a single whisper came out. I hit the floor but surprisingly i felt nothing as i just bounced back onto my feet, i turn around to face the figure i feared the most, i stumbled back as i stared into its bleeding black void eyes

I hate you... die... 

You killed them all.. i would never love a murderer.. 

I will never forgive you... WHY WONT YOU DIE NO ONE LOVES YOU, I DON'T LOVE YOU!

the voice chanted as it grew louder and louder, i fell to my knees covering my ears

"I'M SORRY!" I screamed shooting up from my bed, hot tears running down my face as i curled up hugging my knees to my chest, i was shocked by the sound of Patryck busting the door open and coming to my side 

"Are you okay?!" he asked, but i just stare up him not even trying to stop the tears from rolling down my face, he sighed as he brought my head to his chest hugging me softly "its okay Tord.." he whispered as my tears soon turned into uncontrollable sobs. Pat just stayed there rubbing my head as i tried to calm myself down, which took awhile for me before i could speaks

"I-it changed.." i whispered which surprised pat as i felt him jolt, i looked up at him but to my surprised i also saw Paul was sitting next to us but he refused to watch as his vision was fixated at the wall where a broken photo of four males sat, it was us.. Edd, Matt, Me and... Tom... i began to cry even harder which was noticed by Paul cause he looked my way as i stared at him

"I stopped falling..." i barely was able to make out as i began shaking uncontrollable remembering the dream i had not to long ago "H-he was there.." i heard a gasp come out of Pat mouth, now knowing i had to say no more, they understood.. 

Pat's hug around me grew tighter as i was wrapped by the warmth of Paul joining in, i began calming myself down again, which to my surprise didn't take to long because i felt myself drifting back into sleep, the last thing i felt was being picked up and being carefully laid down on something soft being surrounded by the warmth of a blanket, i smiled as i drifted back into my sleep...

I'm glad i was able to write today getting my hopefully decent thought out story on here, and i'm also glad that i was able to make it long <hopefully around 1355 is long for you guys..> and for you who know or don't know, 2 days ago was the death of Edd, so i wish him peace and happiness where he is... <sorry i'm not good with this stuff...>