My New Daddy

CH 20: Drained

Chapter 20

I'm drained. I don't even care about life at this point. At first, I was embarrassed, but then I realized I had no choice. It's not like I could have held it for multiple days. I'm glad I didn't die in there. I think. I'm not sure anymore. Maybe things would be better for everyone if I had. Maybe Frank wouldn't be this way if I wasn't here. Or maybe things would get worse for my brother if I was gone. I don't know. Doesn't look like I'll ever get to find out. I think about death all the time. How I could end it all.

My face was scratched up pretty bad. Once again I had to blame it on a bike accident. All these people around me probably think I don't really know how to ride one. As long as I kept my head down they hardly noticed. It was as if I didn't exist. My long blonde hair was always down so it could cover my face well. Whether I was walking through the halls, sitting in class, or in gym, my hair was always down. I simply did not dress for gym. There was no way I could dress and keep my head down. It would be impossible.

Heather and Carry didn't even try to get me to lighten up today to try and get more information on Oliver and Eric. During lunch I didn't eat. I couldn't even if I wanted to. Instead I went to the opposite side of the room from the line and sat against the wall. After awhile I still felt like people's eyes were on me, so I bent my knees and hugged them while resting my forehead on my knees.

The days went by and I continued daily to follow the same routine. Get up before my alarm went off from night terrors. Get dressed. Go to school. Keep my head down. Always. Always keep my head down.

When the weekend came my mother and Frank went to stay with a friend of theirs who was taking the weekend to go drink in some woods while mudding. It made no sense to me. Seemed utterly absurd to purposely want to pee behind a tree for a whole weekend. I didn't question it though. I welcomed the thought of not having either of them around.

"I don't really expect that anyone would want to come over to hang out with you. But don't tell anyone you're home alone. They may use you to have a party here or something," my mother so kindly said.

"I wont." I replied emotionless. I was like a shell of a person.

"Good. And the neighbors know we're leaving so they're going to watch over here to make sure no one comes over and you don't go anywhere," she seemed almost smug.

I decided to reply simply was my best course of action, "Okay."

My mother studied me. Presumably to make sure I didn't seem suspicious of anything. "Well we will be back Sunday. Not sure what time." She paused for a moment before adding, "but you never know. We could come home early. It better be spotless when we get back. That includes all of the bedrooms too." 

Great. Oliver's room was always a mess. Chances are he would either stay at a friends all weekend anyways or have a bunch of friends over and make more work for me to do.

After my mother and Frank left I thought I would be relieved. Maybe get out of the shell I have turned into. I was wrong. Instead, I simply walked over to the couch and sat there. I'm not sure how long I sat there. All I remember is looking up from staring at the floor and seeing it was dark out.

My stomach growled, but I didn't feel like eating. There was no point. I went from room to room, cleaning up random parts, but never finishing anything. Some how I found myself in the bathroom holding a bottle of Tylenol. I could end it all. Right then and there I decided it was worth it. Unfortunately when I opened the bottle there were only six in the very bottom of the bottle.

Well, I thought, it's worth a shot.

I've heard that alcohol increases the affects of pills. I did something I swore I never would. Opening a beer I took one pill at a time. The beer tasted horrible, but if it could help end it all to me it was worth it.

It didn't take long before I became unstable. My stereo was on to depressing music as I cried my little heart out. I was dizzy, but I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or if I was getting ready to finally leave this hell I called home. The tears stopped as I slowly drifted into darkness.