Unity | Harry Styles AU

XX: want vs need

  "So what's going on exactly?" Derrick asked me as he sat down on the love seat in the living room.

I plopped myself beside him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"So my ex," I gulped as I began to talk. "After you and I took a break, I started to go out with this guy."

Derrick pulled the sheet of paper that the lady at the desk gave me as proof that my rent was being paid for out of my purse, and began to read the words on the page. I should have stopped him to prevent me having to lie about who my ex was, but I didn't.

"Harry..." Derrick said. "That's the name of the guy you were dating before?"

"Yeah.." I responded.

We remained silent for a second before Derrick began to speak again.

"So how'd you meet him?"

"Stop it."

"No i'm genuinely curious. He was obviously pretty great because he had the privilege of being with you. At least for a bit." He said. His tone was genuine.

"Well, he's in my Visual Arts class." I half-lied. I wasn't completely lying, a teacher is in your class after all.

"Mhm okay." Derrick responded as he threw his arm over my shoulder. "Is he really good looking?"

"Derrick, stop it."  I protested.

He leaned closer to me and spoke again. "Is he really good looking? Just a question."

I was at a loss for words as his lips inevitably came closer and closer to mine.

"He was.. um.." I closed my eyes and envisioned him grabbing my face and kissing me hard as Derrick put his lips on mine.

Suddenly, I wasn't with Derrick anymore. My mind had taken me back to a time when Harry and I were together alone.

Derrick continued to kiss me. I let him take off my shirt because I was so lost in the image of Harry. But then I realized it wasn't him touching me. I still didn't pull away though.

It didn't feel right for Derrick to kiss me, because I didn't get the feeling I got when Harry kissed me. I feel like I've had this thought a million times, but it's all I think about when he gets intimate.

Derrick however was my security blanket. I know that there was nothing that could go wrong while I was with him. I felt normal, I felt safe, I felt like I had a piece of the normal relationship that I have always wanted. That was the sole thing that was lacking while I was with Harry. But for some reason, Derrick isn't what I want. But I didn't want to lose my security blanket, because I know there's a possibility I would never get another one. I ask myself, is the normality and the security worth my unhappiness in this relationship? I'm not completely sure.

Right now, I was fine with not being sure. I still wanted him in my life, he's given me a point of view that nobody else has. He was significant.

I think I needed Derrick in my life. I needed him by my side. I needed his perspective, I needed his opinion, I needed his warmth that gave me security. Oh, how I needed the security and the certainty that he made me feel. The certainty that everything will be fine. The certainty that there was a future with him.

But I wanted Harry. I wanted him so bad. I wanted his lips against mine, I wanted to wake up with him beside me, I wanted his love, and I craved the rush he made me feel. I craved the weakness of knees and the chills down my spine when he whispered in my ears. I craved the sound of his voice and I craved the feeling as if I was going to live forever when I was with him. Oh, how I wanted that again. How I longed those feelings.

But I don't want the heartbreak, I don't long feeling of being so naïve beside him, I don't miss not being able to brag about how amazing he was. I don't miss the restrictions.

They say there is a balance of Want versus Need in life. I agree. But unfortunately, you cannot balance people in a relationship. You can only choose one.

"Derrick?" I looked over to a half-asleep, messy-haired boy laying beside me.

"Mhm?" He mumbled.

"Do you think we will be together in the future?" I asked.

"Lass, that's a long ways away. Let's focus on now?" Derrick responded. He sat up and kissed my forehead. "Deal?"

I smiled. He was right. "Deal."