Random Spam// Ella

Woah

Okay so this book is getting really spammed with chapters. I kinda wanna unpublish and start a new one or nah...??

Or just unpublish a lot of the chapters or nah???

So I've been having sort of a mental breakdown lately and idk why.

I deleted (uninstalled) my social media about a week and a half ago, and now my crush is doing my Snapchat streaks (it's a different crush from the one described in earlier chapters. I got over her. But also she and i stopped being best friends and I'm kinda sad but that's a whole nother story).

It all started about two weeks ago when i was sat down at dinner and i kinda had a crying panic attack for no reason(like, my mind was literally blank for two hours and i couldn't stop crying). That night, when i usually go to bed at about 3 in the morning (on average) i went to bed at 9. The next day i didn't get out of bed at all and i just laid there and my mind was blank.

Then i uninstalled my social media and started reading and writing a lot less fanfiction.

And then i barely get up for school everyday.

I just feel blank and empty all the time for no reason at all.

I cry a lot for no reason.

Idk wtf is happening and it scares me.

I still laugh and talk and stuff at school but i don't feel like my full self.
I feel like my mind is gone and I'm just pretending.

But then yesterday i felt something for the first time in a long time.

My mom was going on a rant about how i was a disappointment or some crap and she threatened to throw me out/ send me away to live with my dad.

That was the first time in a long time when i cried with something in mind.

I know that it may seem like I'm trying to get you to feel bad for me but that's honestly not what I'm doing.

I'm fine i swear.

I'm probably even better because for once in a long time my mind isn't completely and totally empty.

I'm slowly regaining my mental state.

It's cool.

Anyway I'll ttyl

Have a good day.

Stay hydrated.

Sleep right.

Think about things.

Lol bye