Bizarre TRiUMPhant Tales

2. Forbidden Girlmance

A portly, old black man sits in a chair. By the impish look on his face he is possibly quite sassy.

Disclaimer* This old black man who is sassy, may in fact be young but made up to look old. If you choose to believe he is actually Keenan from Saturday Night Live portraying the part of a sassy old black man, narrating tonight's tale of forbidden love ... well, I can hardly stop you imagining that now, can I?

The sassy old black man looks up from his book and grins impishly. 'Damn! Why fo y'all sneaking up on me like that for? Like ta give an old man a heart attack! What'satt?' The sassy old black man fiddles with his ear piece. 'Oh, this little voice in my ear's tellin me you folks are here for the story! Well why in hell didn't ya just say so!!??

Liberal Elitist commentator. 'I'm leaving. This is already racist.'

Trump supporter. 'Shut the hell up an let this fella make American narrative fiction great again!'

'You fools can both sit yo ass down ... or asses plural. You can't leave. We're all characters in a story, being controlled by some punk ass narrator. I hear tell he's a Brit.'

Liberal Elitist commentator (who is suddenly from California) 'Ohmigod, this is just soooo racist. I want to secede from this story.'

Trump supporter. 'Shut the hell up snowflake. We run this show now ya durn pinko, immigant luvin millennial pussyboy!'

'Both of y'all is wankers. Yes, that's right ... I used a term most commonly used by Brits. Didn't you fools hear what I said about who controls this narrative. You, 'liberal' .... grow the hell up and as for you, I don't want to make the assumption you're some kinda redneck because you probably have some legitimate economic grievances, but DAMN cracker, none of you is in charge. Apologies for usin the c word and on with the story.'

Audience waits as the sassy old black man pauses for effect.

'This is a story about two white girls that love each other ... though actually they're both grown ass women with husbands and kids. This ain't no LGBT story either, so half of y'all can simmer back down and as for you other half, well can't a woman just love another woman without some fool sexualizing the deal? So these two, young but mature, attractive and successful women ... we'll call the first IT and the second CC ... on with their story.

Some months ago.

'No I_____, I absolutely forbid it. I will not have you mix with anyone from that nasty, nasty family!'

'But daddy, C______ and I have been friends for years! Just because you and her mom are going head to ...'

The Patriarch held up his small hand. 'I_____, NO means NO!'

His daughter pouted. 'Is that what those models said?'

In the shocked silence the Patriarch's hot wife spoke up. 'I_____! How you daring to say this to your father. You will be give him your respect!'

I_____ glared at her and stood up, her chair screeching. 'YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!!!' She ran off crying.

'Young lady, you have not been excused!!' her father called out after her, but later he came to her suite of rooms and knocked on the door.

'Sweetheart? You know daddy loves you ... he loves you more than all your other four siblings put together and especially more than T______.'

'Then ... then why can't I see C______???' sobbed his daughter.

The patriarch placated his favourite child. 'Look, steer clear until it's all over. If we win, I won't give a damn and you can see her and we will win sweetheart, because I am soooo fantastic and people love me.'