Finding Joy

Chapter 10

We went to the kitchen to eat dinner. I smiled when I saw it and said "Yay! Simple spaghetti!" My parents laughed. Elizabeth and her Mother grabbed a plate. My parents and I were already sitting at the table and we looked over at them. I was confused and said "What are you... what are you doing?" Elizabeth looked over and said "I'm getting my... I'm getting my food..." I slowly pointed behind her with this very confused facial expression. She turned around to see our chef standing there. He smiled and gave a small wave and said "Hi... I'll handle it from here." They smiled nervously and put their plates down. They walked to the table and took their seats. Elizabeth watched our chef make our plates. I smiled at her and said "So um... are you enjoying yourself Elizabeth?" I thought to myself "Oh god... does she think that we think that we are better than her? This is just how everything is... I don't know how to... change how I'm acting... um...." Elizabeth smiled and said "Oh I'm having a wonderful time!" She smiled and thought "The house doesn't really matter.... she's so cute... I mean.... yeah never mind no one can hear my thoughts.... she's so cute." Our house chef came over and put our plates in front of us and said "Bon appétit!"I smiled and started eating. Everyone else are as well. I tried to be neat as I possibly could. That was a wonderful night full of laughing and smiling. Once they went home I walked back upstairs. I spun around laughing and then fell back onto my bed.

I looked up at the ceiling and said "She's so... sweet... if it weren't for her coming into that doorway... a long time ago... I wouldn't be here... I never would have sat next to her... I never would have gotten the courage to talk to her and her mom... and her eyes... those beautiful beautiful eyes..." I sighed and giggled. I smiled and hugged myself as I said "This feeling! I love this feeling! I can't describe it! It's just whenever I'm around her..." I stood up and spun around as I said "My heart starts dancing!" I giggled and sat down on my floor. I smiled and said "And her voice... her amazing singing voice... that range! How does she do that?! It's incredible! And and then we sing together!" I laid back on my floor and said "We just harmonize!" I rolled around on my floor as I said "It's beautiful!! We we just know when to sing a part! And when to not sing a part so that the other one of us can get it! Then we know when to sing together!! I love it!!" I giggled. Then I stopped rolling and sat up as I gasped and said "Wait what if she doesn't feel the same way? Am am am I messed up in the head? Did did did what happened to me... mess my brain up? Am I not supposed to be gay?" I stood up and put both hands over my mouth as I gasped. I took my hands off of my mouth and put them on the sides of my head as I said "What if I'm not supposed to be gay?!"

I started pacing back and forth hugging myself as I said "What if all of the abuse messed with my head and I'm supposed to actually like guys? Can can can I go back? Is Elizabeth gay too? How am I supposed to know? What happens if if if I get brave and decide to ask her out? Will she turn me down and say oh sorry freak I'm straight. Oh my gosh what what what if that does happen?!" I got on my knees. "No no no no no... that that that won't happen... just never be brave... and never ask her out." I slowly nodded and said quietly "Yeah that'll work. That way I don't have to go through the pain of losing this feeling... and the pain of losing her." I then sat there hugging my knees to my chest. I was in deep thought. I closed my eyes and thought of what tomorrow would be like. What our future together would be like because after all, we were only freshmen in high school. We had sophomore, junior, and senior year of high school then we could go to college together! I giggled to myself and then decided it was time to get ready for bed. I got ready for bed and once I went to bed dreamed of Elizabeth and I singing a beautiful duet together. When my alarm clock woke me up I didn't hesitate to get out of bed.

                 I got up and went over to my closet to get my clothes. I got my clothes and ran into the bathroom laughing.  I took a shower and as I took a shower I sang "Killer Queen" By Queen. After I took a shower I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I was dressed and came out of the bathroom. My curly dark hair was down. I walked down the stairs and put my headphones on. I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom there. "Good morning Mom." She looked up at me and said "Oh good morning baby." She was looking at these little pieces of paper that were different colors. She held them up in front of her. "Oh are we having the house re-painted again Mom?" I asked as I looked at her. "Yes Joy the colors in here are getting too old and too plain." My Mom said as she continued to look at the papers. I smiled and said "Okay Mom...and... how should I have my hair today?" I asked. She put the papers down and looked at me. She stroked her chin with her thumb and her pointer finger as she said "Hmmm.."

               She got closer to me. I giggled as I watched her. She stood behind me and gently took my headphones off and sat them down as she said "Maybeeee.." She held my hair in a ponytail and said "A ponytail!" Then she changed it to two and said "Or maybe two ponytails! Because it's cute!" I laughed as she changed it again and said "Or some of it in two buns and the rest of it down!" She said in a silly voice. Then she said "Oh oh oh oh maybe even a french braid" She then said this is a whining voice  "But your hair is really thick I don't know if I can do it!" I laughed as she leaned forward and hugged as she was fake crying. She stopped and turned me around. She laughed and hugged me. "Baby... you'll look gorgeous no matter what you do to your hair." I smiled and laughed. "Thanks Mom but, that doesn't help me decide." My Dad walked into the room as he said in a valley girl voice "I think you should totally go for the two buns and the rest of the hair down thing because it's totally gorge!" I laughed and said "Dad no!!" My mom joined in and said in her valley girl voice "Yeah Joy you'd look totally gorge if you like wear your hair like that it's tots adorbs!" I laughed really hard and said "Guys no stop!"

        Then my dad said "Omg like did you hear about like Brandon and Jessie?" My mom started to play with her hair and said "Fill me in wait... omg are they a thing?" I laughed as I said "Guys you're going to make me late for school!" I started to push my dad out of the room. He was still trying to talk but I hurried up and got him out of there. We rushed to the car. I did my hair in the car. When we arrived at school I was still on time. I walked into my first class with a smile on my face. My smile quickly went away when I saw this girl that I have never seen before sitting next to Elizabeth. She was talking to her. This made me angry and I wanted it to end right then.