A Little Death

2. In Love With Matty

   October
School had been very depressing lately. Justin and I had barely even talked to that Jaime guy since we met. I had almost completely forgotten about that cute guy from the hallway a few weeks back.
    I talked to my mom about possibly being home schooled for the remainder of the year, which she took into consideration and was currently looking into it.
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    Justin and i had been hanging out with Nick a lot around this time. Things were very boring around school besides searching for Jaime with Justin.
   We had this one class, Mr. Mckinnon, where we would always mess with the teacher and talk loud and just, not do anything in that class. It was honestly the highlight of my day most days, besides when Justin wasn't there.
   So yeah, i'll move on from this boring time period of my life, fast forward to when i finally talked to Jaime. Long story short, we became good friends over a short period of time, ended up dating, breaking up after a couple weeks, staying good friends. You get the point. 
   Now, i was becoming home schooled. My last day was somewhat depressing, saying goodbye to Justin was the hardest, i would no longer get to see him in person. His parents hated me.
    I remember standing in front of the school after last period, crying to Justin and Jaime. I had already said goodbye to Nick, and everyone else. I gave them each one last hug before i went on my way home, for the "last time".
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           Being home schooled was very depressing. I was never able to see Justin, just text him. I completely lost contact with Jaime, Nick, and any other friends i had at school.
   I was going through my Instagram feed one day when i came across a post by someone i didn't remember following. I thought about it and realized that he was the boy that commented heart eyes on an old selfie of mine. I clicked on his account and was surprised at how attractive he was. I did something i still regret doing to this day. I private messaged him.
    Without getting into too much detail, we started having a conversation and sending pictures of ourselves back and fourth. His name was Matty.

     Matty and i had talked for a couple months, and needless to say, i thought i had fallen in love for the first time. I ignored texts from justin, i stopped posting on social media, and i just spent every second i had talking to Matty.
    We were sort of a "thing". The problem was, he lived halfway across America from me.
    Things between us were great and i thought we were gonna become close enough to meet one day. Until....

   One night, i was sitting alone in my room, me and Matty had been in an argument and i was trying to calm myself down. I couldn't imagine losing him at this point.
   I was thinking about him when i got the mesaage.
"Kellin, we need to stop talking."
That's it.
I broke down.
I was broken for months after that, and honestly i'm still hurt by it.
   Need i say it, i went back to school after that.