A Little Death

8. I Love you

April

-
Class was going by so slow. I just wanted to go out to lunch to see Vic.
When the bell finally rang, i rushed out to meet Vic at our usual spot. I was greeted by a kiss. We both smiled, he looked around to make sure nobody was watching and when the coast was clear, he pushed me against the wall and started making out with me. This was normal by now.
We were interrupted by Oli coughing awkwardly behind us.
  "Oh hey uh hey" Vic stuttered. I laughed and grabbed my boyfriends hand.
"Lets go get some food." i said.

"I'll be here if you need me" Oli yelled from behind.
   Vic must have noticed i was cold because he gave me his sweater. We got cookies at the snack bar and spent the rest of lunch being the average touchy couple.
After school, he asked for his sweater back. I found it kind of odd, because he had never asked for it back before, i would sometimes take it home and wear it back the next day.
  He took it, hugged me, and left. No kiss.
I cried on my way to Oli's car. When he asked me what was wrong i just said nothing. I shouldn't have been so hurt but i had a strong sense of what was happening.

   Later, i was in my room watching YouTube videos, when i got an Instagram DM. It was from Vic. "Kellin we need to talk"
  I called him right away.
"What the fuck?! There's nothing to talk about you can't do this you promised me you were mine forever!"
I cried and screamed into the phone. "And over Instagram?!"

He sighed and explained why he was doing it. He said i was too depressed and problematic, he couldn't handle it. I hung up and hyperventilated for hours until i passed out. I woke up and the first thing i did was get my bottle of meds, and take all of them at once.
  I woke up shaking and crying a few hours later. 2:30am.
I ran to my trash bin and threw up all of the pills, they wouldn't stay down because of my empty stomach. After i was done with that, i let reality sink in once more. I started crying again and fell back asleep.
  I woke up the next day crying in my sleep. I couldn't stop crying all morning, my mom knew what had happened and she let me stay home. I stayed home all day and did nothing but cry. It stayed that way for weeks.

-
Somewhere along the line, i got into smoking weed and drinking. I began sneaking out a lot, and sleeping all day. I ditched school a lot more, my grades started failing, and i started dating a girl named Tay. My life had turned into shit. Me and Tay didn't last very long. I started flirting with multiple people, buying and selling weed, everything was just bad. My birthday finally came around. I had a plan. Ever since i was thirteen, i planned on taking my own life on my 18th birthday. When i was younger i was extremely suicidal, but i had gotten a lot better because of Vic. Now that he was gone, i had no reason to live. I wasted half a year on him. He didn't love me like he said he did. He lied to me. By my birthday, he was already dating somebody else. I stood on the roof of a twenty story parking garage. My phone was in my hand. I decided to call Vic one last time. If he answered, i would take it as a sign to live. If he didn't, i'd jump

Ring
Ring
Ring
"You have reached the voice mailbox of..."

I sighed, wiped away my tears, and let the voicemail record.
  "Hey Vic. It's Kellin. I just hope you know i love you, and i will never stop loving you. Goodbye. I'm sorry..."
I let the phone keep recording, i set down a note written to Justin, climbed over the railing, and i was free.

Plot twist; this was based on a true story. This story is what would have happened if i went through with my suicide attempt but luckily i got help and i'm a lot better now. "Vic" and i are friends now, and yes the screenshots were real. I apologize if anyone is triggered by suicide, i was just trying to get my story across 💓