ALANA'S MISTAKE ✔

Chapter 14

Alana banged on the door of Elias' flat as hard as she could. The hallway where she stood was empty and quiet, so was the street outside, there was no sign of the ambulance she had called the minute she had stepped out of her house. She was sweating, from all the running, and the waves of panic that kept washing over her. Was he telling the truth? Had he taken an overdose? She didn't want him in her life, but she didn't want him to die, not because of her.

She had this feeling like she were being strangled, like her throat was too tight, like someone had two fingers pressed into her wind pipe and there was nothing she could do about it. Everything felt completely unreal. All she knew, as she crashed her hands against the door, was that she needed to make sure he was all right, she had to do that at least. How could she live with herself if anything happened and he had called her, he had told her what he had done? She couldn't.

She called his name, once, twice, then tried to open the door with the handle but it didn't budge. She scrambled the letter box open and peered inside. She couldn't see much... Just the entrance hall, the doors along it all open, a towel strewn on the floor... One of his miniature plants on the floor too, toppled sideways, the soil spread across the rug.

'Elias,' she called through the letterbox. 'Can you hear me? Open the door.'

She kept the flap open with her hands and peered inside once again. Staying quiet for a moment she heard a faint groaning sound from within. Her stomach flipped. She stood up a little and let her eyes flit up and down the hallway where she stood.

She was alone, completely alone, but who was she supposed to bring with her here? She had to tell Noah a complete pack of lies before she left the house - about Riley suddenly needing some help with an urgent 'girls problem'. It was lame and Noah was clearly confused but here she was, trying to stop Elias from killing himself... If that's even what he was trying to do... She listened for the sound of the ambulance but there was nothing, just the mild rush of cars and footsteps outside. She bent towards the letterbox again.

'Elias,' she said. 'Come to the door.'

But before she had a chance to say anything else it was already opening, slowly. She gasped when she saw him, leaning heavily against the door, sort of pulling it back but unsteadily, uncertainly. His face was milky pale and there were ominous dark circles beneath his eyes. As she pushed the door back to get in, he stumbled away, into his bedroom.

There were no lights on in his flat and there was a strange smell of smoke and leather, and it was cold too, so cold she felt a shiver start at the base of her spine and work all the way up her neck. It was nothing like the clean, neat flat she remembered from the last time. She followed him in to his bedroom and found him there, slumped against the wall, surrounded by empty bottles, an ashtray with a cigarette still burning and a bottle of pills lying on its side.

His hair hung over his face and he wore a plaid shirt which lay untucked over his blue jeans, and his feet were bare. He looked up at her with those big brown eyes and it made her shiver again to see how blank they had become. Not like the guy she had seen on stage or shared a drink with in the pub. How could he change like that? So fast?

'Elias,' she said. 'Oh god.'

She picked up the bottle and read the label.

'How many of these did you take?'

He shook his head mournfully. She knelt down to him and took his hands in hers - they were hot, too hot.

'What have you done? Why have you done this?'

He raised his eyes to her again and suddenly they filled with emotion. He reached out to her and buried his head in her shoulder.

'I don't know why,' he said, his voice cracking. 'I don't know... I'm just... I sometimes, can't help it.'

He broke down into a sob, his shoulders and his whole back shaking.

'It hurts,' he whispered. 'Alana, it hurts.'

She let out a long breath, then let her voice soften.

'It's all right,' she said, her shaky hands stroking his thick hair. 'Help is coming. It's all right.'

His sobs continued gently as he curled up against her.

'I only need you,' he said. 'You're all the help need.'

She didn't answer that. She just kept quietly comforting him, until the sound of an ambulance floated along - faint at first but then louder and louder until the sound of it filled the air completely and then stopped.