Clouds ☁ Ereri

Chapter 8 ~ Light and Cycles

Eren stumbled back to the room, his legs finally slowing from his run as they tired. When he reached their room, he made no attempts to be quiet as he fell onto the bed, his mind reeling. He soon fell asleep, anyway; even his thoughts couldn't keep his exhausted body awake any longer. He didn't dream that night, no nightmares like the nights to come, no dreams like the nights had once been before. It was simply darkness. A swirling black in his eyes that never faded...not until his eyes peeked open the next morning.

The first thing he noticed was the small hand clenched tightly around his own, squeezing it as if it were a lifeline- trapping Eren in a vice. Eren wanted to pull away, to avoid inevitable disappointment when the man he loved opened his eyes. There was more chance that not that he would wake up the same way he fell asleep but there was that slither of chance that he would wake up in the same state that he had been stuck in for days.

Eren knew he couldn't avoid the inevitable but that didn't stop him from wishing it away. It was a burden on his shoulders, one that he would deal with because he knew that if he did not, he would never forgive himself. And, for Levi. That had to be a reason above his selfishness yet, when he thought about it, the more that he found himself not doing this for Levi but for himself- his own self-satisfaction.

No, this was the fear talking, taunting him. It made him believe things that were not true. Things that he had never once believe but that twitch of his fingers and the blurriness of lethargy showed that his mind was no longer functioning as it was supposed to. He had already begun to fidget with his spare hand, dancing his fingers of the paler-boy's skin just as if to remember what it felt like under his touch. It felt so long since they had had this. Just a simple morning where Eren could let himself watch as the other lifted their head and got ready for the day, telling Eren to hurry up and stop gawking. Classic Levi, really.

When Levi's eyes opened, Eren's fingers began to tremble and his stomach began to flip. He was scared, utterly and truly afraid. This was what he felt when he had come face to face with a titan and now, he was feeling just because of one measly man.

No, not measly. This was humanity's strongest soldier, he was the bravest, strongest most courageous man he had ever met yet once again, his fear was blinding him to show a weak skeleton of a man. Just like he had seen when the illness had controlled him. It was as if the man was a cloud to him. Weak yet beautiful. Gentle yet so capable of darkness. A bringer of happiness and a bringer of pain.

'Good morning, Heichou.' He whispered gently, maybe just to see if Levi was awake or not, maybe to hear his answer.

'Uuuuh...' Levi groaned, his eyes fluttering open a second time revealing Eren's worst nightmare. Clouded eyes, confusion. Illness. 'Good morning.' He smiled gently, squeezing Eren's hands to calm the trembling that was reverberating around him.

'Yeah.' Eren's voice cracked. He couldn't believe that slither of chance had become a reality. Or maybe he had just estimated wrong, maybe this was much more serious than they had ever considered. Maybe this wasn't a fifty-fifty illness, half the time healthy and the other half ill enough to be dead. No, this was so much more. Levi could spend the majority of his life in this state, couldn't he? Eren didn't even know how much consciousness Levi had in this state, how was he supposed to know how to help? He wanted to hear Levi scream to be released from the trap of his body but he heard nothing. Levi's spirit had already dwindled and only a shell remained- the Levi that could fight it had dissipated.

A blink. A smile, a light. Levi was back. Was that possible? In one blink Levi had suddenly returned to usual. 'Yeah.' Eren repeated, much stronger than last time. His hope had been relighted. Eren didn't know he was crying until his tears began to drench his shirt. Had he really begun crying of relief?

'What's wrong?' The man asked, his voice so calm- uncaring. Maybe Levi was just tired, that was it, right?

'Nothing.' Eren shook his head, turning away from the raven-haired man and tried to blink away his tears, to no avail.

'I'll go make some tea.' Levi spoke gently. That was so unlike him. He never offered tea to Eren. Eren hated tea. Eren flung himself around and found himself catching Levi's gaze again.

'What's up?' Eren asked timidly as he saw the other Levi smiling, almost manically. It was as if he was so excited for something to come. Eren had never seen the expression on Levi before and the twisting of his features looked frightening...fake. Just like this Levi was a fake remake of the last.

The same looks with the emotions so scattered that it couldn't even be called him anymore. It was a replica of a human, a robot with a human's skin- so detectably wrong by all around it.

And then he realised, and he couldn't believe he hadn't realised it before, that light he had seen- he had made it up. His own delusional thinking had led him to believe that the best was possible. But that light had already been snuffed out. It wasn't going to be brought back for hours maybe even days.

'I'm just happy.' He murmured, smiling, looking at the horizon as if it were more interesting than the man beside him. Maybe it was, to him. No one could know what was going through Levi's moment at times like these.

'Eh?' Eren was confused. How could someone so delusioned be looking forward to the future? Unless, of course, they had lost sense of time alltogether. Oh. Eren knew what was happening before it had even happened. He knew the words that he feared were going to be said. He knew he would hear the words he had heard so many times before.

'Oh, sorry. I didn't tell you, huh?' A pause, a dreaded pause. 'You see, I have this subordinate named Eren.'

word count: 1065

published: 25.04.17