Sanders Sides OneShots

He Collapses (Anxiety)

I wrote this as vent fic as I was feeling all kinds of bad but it helped :) You will soon come to realise that I target Anx a lot in my fics lol. Poor baby, I love him but I also love hurting him. Anyway, hope you enjoy this angst fest!

Trigger Warnings: Angst, Self Hatred (Implied), Break Downs (Implied), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms (Talk to people if you're feeling down my dudes) Tell me if you want something to be tagged

He collapses.

Collapses like an empire that was once high and strong, destroying itself until there is nothing but rubble and dust settling, its only purpose now to remind those of what was once so great.

But he will slowly build himself up, up, up, once more. Build himself higher, stronger, more guarded, more powerful. He raises his defences, baring his teeth like a cornered animal at whoever should be unlucky enough to pity him. He raises his offences, poisonous barbs that he spits with concealed fear, attacking those that dare question his strength ruthlessly.

He conceals. Conceals the cracks he has failed to repair. His weaknesses, his flaws, his insecurities. He glosses them over, hiding them with scowls and snarky remarks and anger. Anything to make them stay oblivious.

He blocks it out. Blocks out the voices that tell him everything he does is pointless, that remind him of everything he's not and never will be but secretly would give anything to be. He blocks out the other voices, too. The real voices.

Those of his peers, the ones he wants nothing to do with but everything to do with at the same time. The ones who he knows cannot stand him, cannot accept him, cannot like him no matter how hard they try if they try at all.

He pretends. Pretends their jabs don't hurt him. Pretends he doesn't care. Pretends hurting him is his goal even though it isn't and never was and ohmygodimsorryididntmeanit. Pretends he wants to be the way he is. Pretends pretends pretends.

He pretends until he gets behind his closed bedroom door, alone.

And locked away in voluntary isolation, he stops pretending.

And he collapses.