Sanders Sides OneShots

How He Deserves (Anxiety)

Okay, so this is kinda a vent fic, it's basically just me portraying how my anxiety/panic attacks usually feel. Hope you enjoy, feed back is always appreciated ♥

Trigger Warnings: Detailed Anxiety Attack, Angst, Unhealthy Coping Methods, Self Hatred, Tell me if you want anything tagged

He can't quite remember what caused it, he never does, really. All he knows is that he wants it to stop stop STOP.

It hurts to breathe, hurts not to breathe, hurts to keep his eyes open and why are the lights so bright? All he can do is curl tighter into a ball, squeeze his eyes shut as tight as possible and fight his own body for oxygen no matter how much it hurts to do so.

He can feel everything. He can feel sweat dripping down his temple, sticking his hair to his forehead. He can feel every time his hoodie will brush against his arms, stomach, back. His trousers against his legs. He can literally feel the air in his room, pushing down of his skin, making him feel so heavy. He can feel everything and it's all too much and oh god why won't it all just stop?

He can hear so much but so little at the same time. He can hear his uneven, choked gasps for air. He can hear footsteps, talking, everything. He can hear a loud ringing, playing over everything else doing nothing but adding another layer to every other noise that's he's hearing too clearly to be normal and it's too loud it's too loud IT'S TOO LOUD.

It's so loud he doesn't notice his door opening, doesn't notice the person rushing towards him. Doesn't realise they're reaching their hand out to him before it's too late.

It burns. It's hot like fire and it burns. It feels as though he is being doused in acid that is burning away his skin, seeping into his pores and mingling in his blood stream. It hurts it hurts it hurts. He lets loose a loud shriek, sounding so feral that it scares him but he doesn't care in the moment, all he wants is to get as far away from the burning as possible. He doesn't hesitate to throw himself backwards, trying to distance himself from the flames that come from the hand of someone he doesn't care about enough in that moment to identify.

He hears a voice call out, panicked, attempting to calm him but to no avail, Anxiety's too far gone in his fear, too far gone in his pain.

"Anxiety! Anxiety, it's me, Roman!"

Roman... Anxiety suddenly became aware that somebody was in his room. No no no no! Nobody could be here, they couldn't see how pathetic he is, how weak, how vulnerable. No no no NO!

"NO!! NO NO NO!! Get out!" Anxiety found himself screaming, hands pulling at his hair, making his scalp sting.

"Anxiety, please! It's okay, just take some deep breaths, you're okay." Roman was trying to calm him, soothe him, comfort him... Why was he trying to comfort him? No, this is all wrong, he deserves to feel this way.

"Get out get out get out!" Anxiety chanted the two words over and over like a mantra, his eyes now clenched so tightly that they hurt but he didn't care. He just wanted Roman out. When it slowly became more and more obvious that Roman wouldn't be leaving anytime soon, he increased his volume, becoming so loud that it began to hurt his own ears and send him further into the attack. He just wanted Roman to leave, he could deal with this on his own, he just has to GO.

Barely audible over his loud shouting, Anxiety heard a sigh come from the other "Very well...You are welcome to come to my room after you've calmed down, if you wish..." Then the sound of footsteps and a door closing and then nothing but the sound of his own choked sobs and strangled breathing was audible in his room.

And now, alone, Anxiety fell back against the wall behind him and tried to calm down. Alone to face his troubles with no comfort.

Just how he deserves to be.