Pain, Love & Anguish

My Gun Is My Best Friend

7/28/16
It's been a while since I've been away from Nico. Last Time I saw him I saw my life flash before my eyes, only it wasn't my life that ended horribly. Arturo. I followed Nico back to his office after the turn of events and I sat on the couch. I was paralyzed for the rest of the night. The only thing moving were the tears rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't move or breath. I'm leaving his funeral right now as I jot this down. I just left Nico, I said goodbye. No more running, no more mob, no more Nico. Just Cher and I.

I'm a little sick and tired of funerals. How ironic coming from someone who works with the mob. Not only works but runs the damn thing. I hate funerals, but I especially hated them when they were for People who didn't deserve it. Lisa.

I know I was mad at her but I also know that what she was trying to do was purely of good intention. She's always been a big help and there isn't really anyone in the world who could replace her character.

It was time to leave and everyone packed up all the cars we took, Lorenzo and I riding without anyone else.

Lorenzo. I'm sorry about Lisa

Nico. What are we going to do about the threat ?

Lorenzo. The question Nico is what do you want to do?

I knew what I wanted to do but I didn't wanna just do it, I wanted him to suffer the same way Lisa did and he will.

Nico. We make him pay

A few minutes driving on the road Lorenzo could see Nico wasn't driving back to the syndicate or to Lorenzo's place.

Lorenzo. Where are we going?

Nico. To Kim's, to pick up Amaia.

Lorenzo. And take here where Nico? Where are we going to go? We need to figure that out first, I say you leave her with Kim right now anyway

Nico. Oh

Lorenzo. Nico! What the hell is that little girl going to
Tell her Class when she gets older? Her friends? Oh my daddy is the most dangerous mob boss in the word?

Nico. She won't know

Lorenzo. Oh she won't? You can't be mister mob boss and be a dad Nico, you have to choose

Nico. It's too late to choose Lorenzo, I will always have enemies

Lorenzo. Which is why it's not safe for her to be around in the first place, Amora would understand.

Nico. Don't say her name

Lorenzo. She would understand

Nico. I'm not having this conversation with you again Lorenzo. She stays until I figure out something.

Lorenzo. You are going to get her killed

I had just about had enough of him. I pulled over to the side of the road and pulled out my gun and held it to his head.

Lorenzo. Really? Is this what it's come to? I get that you are hurting Nico, I loved that girl to, and I knew you two had something special I know, this is hard for me to. I think about her all the time but she wouldn't want you to bring a child into this lifestyle! You know that!

Nico. Don't ever tell me what the love of my life would have wanted for me, you don't know what she would have wanted, get out

I said still holding the gun to his head.

Lorenzo. You need to go and clear your head Nico. This isn't you, you aren't you anymore, you would turn your back on your best friend?

Nico. I have no friends

Lorenzo. Right

He raised his hands in surrender and slowly unbuckled his seatbelt. His next few movements were crucial. I was letting him go and if he tried to refuse or stay, I might have to do something I would regret later on down the road.

When his seatbelt clicked he slowly moved his hand to the door and got out of the car with his hands still raised. I shut the door behind him and he said something to me.

Lorenzo. You might not have any friends Nico but it hurts to see my best friend going through this alone.

Nico. Then here is my last bit of advice for you, quit worrying about me

I rolled up the window and continued on to Kim's go get my baby. Once I got there she was standing outside with her.

I got out of the car and walked up to the porch.

Kim. She um, she was fine when I took her to the hospital. A little dirty and she had some debris in her eyes but she was okay

Nico. Thank you for taking her, and taking care of her for a few days, I'll be sure to send you some compensation

Kim. Oh you don't have to do that, it was no problem at all Nico.

Nico. Thanks

I said again and I took Amaia from her with the diaper Bag and began walking back to the car. I put her car seat in the front so that I could keep any eye on her. I didn't know what would happen now that the syndicate was basically destroyed.

Silently I wished her the best of luck.

A dirty motel. A dirty motel was the best I could do for the night under a different identity. I hid Amaia from everyone, you can't trust anyone anymore. I got her into the room and she was fast asleep. I laid her on the bed on my jacket and put two pillows beside her so she wouldn't fall off.

Then I went into the bathroom with the door open and I sat in the bathtub, I held my gun in my hand. I didn't look up but I could see Amora sitting across from me.

I could feel her slide her hand down my face as a tear fell as well.

Nico. Got dammit I miss you so much baby

Amora. But I'm right here love

Nico. No, no, no

I said shaking my head.

All that I could feel was the hole in my heart, the lump in my Throat and the feeling of emptiness all throughout my body.

Nico. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you

I let my head sink down farther into my knees.

Amora. I love you Nico

I felt her body cover mine like she was hugging me. The hole was just getting bigger and bigger it felt like I wasn't even alive anymore. Like I was slowly dying, like I was suffocating. Then I finally lost it. I started really crying. A water fall came down my face, my whole body was shaking and I could feel my heart shattering. This pain, I can't take it.

I picked up the gun and held it to my head. I can't stand this pain....