Dysmorphia

Skin Deep

Warning- 

This chapter contains topics such as self-harm and suicide, I thought it would be best to put a trigger warning at the start, this is in no way condoning or normalising self harm, if you or anyone you know need help or feel the urge to hurt yourself please tell somebody you trust and seek help

xxx 

Rahma 

By the time her Mother had arrived home Florence was an emotional wreck, not even her usual calming yoga could stop her shaking. Cooper's words cut her to the core, she didn't really have a problem did she?

She had a problem before, she was unwell, obese before she was fine now, doing this was her way of getting better, she didn't have the dreaded a word.

"Flo!" her mother called closing the door behind her.

 "Flo love I'm not feeling too well, there's leftovers in the fridge, help yourself!"

She didn't know why she was surprised, her Mother never felt well these days.

Cooper's words kept replaying in her head, 

"Your ill Florence" "I think you have anorexia"

When she was three, Florence had an imaginary friend called Neeta, Neeta was everything she was not, brave where she was shy, pretty where she was plain and always so, so popular. At three years old having an imaginary friend had been normal, her parents had even set a place for dinner for Neeta each night. But at sixteen talking to a figment of her own imagination was very, very strange.

It had started with her spilling her thoughts into the diary her Mother had got her, sometimes she liked to pretend she was talking to a real-life person instead of writing in a book, and she pictured Neeta, her childhood imaginary friend, eventually Neeta came to life like she had climbed out of the diary's pages.

Florence could tell her anything and she would sit there, not judging just listening. But Neeta had begun to become meaner by the day, she would pester Florence to check the calories of everything she ate, tell her that all the girls at school still called her 'fatso.'

It wasn't any different today.

"You know you have a problem Florence" she whined "You know Coopers true you're anorexic"

Florence covered her ears, 

"Shut up Neeta" she whispered

"A-N-O-R-E-X-I-C" Neeta shouted into her ear, Florence couldn't take it anymore, she ran into her bathroom and locked the door, Neeta couldn't follow her in here.

She took her time organising everything, feeling a weird sense of satisfaction that this, at least she could control.

She couldn't decide what blade to use, so she grabbed a pair of scissors and a razor.

It was going to be a slow start, scissors were not the best choice.

"Fat girl"