Dysmorphia

Facing The World Pt.1

It felt beyond strange to be leaving the clinic, it had almost become more of her home than her actual home, she felt safe there and protected with the doctors and their clipboards, she had put on nine pounds and felt more healthy than she had in a long time, it felt like once she left all her positive progress would shatter and she would become crazed once more.

They left that afternoon in Chase's car and headed to the department store twenty minutes away, Florence couldn't believe this was actually happening, never in a million years had she imagined that she would be buying a dress to an event she had vowed to never go to, what place did a fat girl have at the biggest social event of the year?

'But I'm not fat' she reminded herself again and again.

When they finally arrived after a car journey of utter silence she was shuddering.

"You're good Florence" Chase placed his hand over hers "You're so brave to be doing this and I'm so proud of you"

"Thanks" she managed.

When they reached the fourth floor of the department store full of occasion wear she had to stop just to take the scene in, there were dresses in every style and colour imaginable, floor length, mid-length, ruffled and bejewelled.

"I won't fit into any of them" she whispered.

"Florence!" Chase turned to her "You will fit into them, you're getting so much better, don't let this set you back"

And he was right.

Two hours later she emerged from the shop triumphantly after picking out the most beautiful azure dress.

When she got back to the clinic for some reason she craved being alone, today had been a whirlwind and she just wanted to step back from everything and think things over, Chase looked positively drained from their expedition so she ordered him to go home and rest, to her surprise he had agreed.

Florence needed time to think, so much had changed, Oakwood had once seemed like the worst nightmare she could possibly have, but now it seemed the clinic had been her saviour, she was so confused about everything, and most of all about how hearing that she had gained weight hadn't sent her into a mental breakdown.

She was planning on walking into prom hand in hand with Chase, yet she didn't know anything about him except that he was kind and that he had saved her. She vowed then that she would make him tell her what he needed to tell her, she may not have been ready for it, but with the amount of emotions she had off-loaded onto him she reckoned he should feel able to share his life with her.

She did something then that she had never thought she would be able to do, she rifled through her backpack of belongings and pulled out her notebook, the notebook her mother had given her that seemed like it had belonged to a different girl, she suddenly felt an urge to read each and every page, because that girl still existed, she was just stronger.

She opened the notebook to the first page, the words were slightly blotchy because of the tears she had shed that day but the entry was still decipherable.

Today has possibly been the worst day of my life, I'm the fat girl now, but I'm not going to be anymore, not if I can help it because I, Florence Clarke will do anything to not be the fat girl anymore...