Dear Evan Hansen, It's Connor Murphy~

[6]

As weeks past, September began to fade away, but Connor and my friendship only grew stronger. Some days we would hang out at my house, but mostly we went to his, usually when his parent's weren't in but we weren't always given such luxury. Despite the initial awkwardness, I quite liked having dinner with Connor and his parents. It made me feel as though I was part of a family, which was a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time. 

Zoe was usually around, too, which is a plus a suppose. Though, the more time I spent with her brother, the less interested I became in Zoe. Perhaps this was because me feelings for her sourced from my lack of friends and attention, and with Connor filling those gaps, I guess I don't feel as strongly about her. Don't get me wrong, I would quite like to...well...be with her, but not as much as I used to. 

Connor Murphy, the guy who threw a printer at Mrs G because he wasn't able to be the line leader that day was my bestfriend, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it. He's always there when I need him, such as when I feel anxious, he actually wants to be with me, instead of merely tolerating me because our parents are friends, and I can tell him anything and don't really have to feel any repercussions of his judgement. 

I suppose, in a way, I helped him too. After all, he now sits with his parent's at meals, is slightly nicer to Zoe, and, most notably, had reduced his reliance on drugs. Words alone can not emphasise just how proud I am of him because of this. I don't really think this was all because of me, but I can at least believe that I contributed, even if it was just a tiny bit. 

"Evan, you're spacing out again."

"Oh, uh, sorry Connor," I spluttered, my cheeks slightly reddening with embarrassment. 

"Were you listening to what I said?"

"Uh, no...I don't think I caught that part." Connor sigh deeply, preparing to repeat himself.

"Is it okay if you come with me somewhere tomorrow? I need to show you something."

"Oh, of course. Where did you have in mind?" 

"I can't tell you that yet. You'll have to wait and see, okay?"

"Okay."

~

I lifted the pot of pills from the small box that they resided in, removing the top and placing one in my hand. I didn't take two at one time anymore. I didn't need to. Sure, I was still a little bit awkward when talking to other students, but Connor is helping me fix that. I hear the front door close downstairs, the person who just entered sighing deeply before removing an item of clothing, presumably a coat. 

"Evan? Are you here?" I slowly waltzed down the stairs to see my mother, her tired eyes lighting up slightly as she saw me. "Hey, sweetie."

"Hey, Mom."

"Guess what?" Mom placed her hands on my shoulders lightly, a warm smile upon her face. "I have tomorrow off! When was the last time we spent an entire day together, huh?" I felt my facial expression physically drop. I had already said I'd hang out with Connor, he said he needed to show me something. I couldn't be a dick and cancel on him last minute, even though plans were already set in stone. 

"Uh...well, I've..." I desperately searched for words that would soften with situation, as to not hurt her feelings as much. It'd be nice to spend some time with her, but I'd also like to spend time with Connor. "I...Jared and I have plans tomorrow. We're...uh, working on a project for school that's due in soon. But, I'll see you in the evening." Mom stared at me momentarily, in shock from saying I was spending time with another human or the fact her hopes of spending time with me had been shattered, I wasn't sure. 

"Oh, well, alright Evan. I guess school has to come first, with it being senior year and all. And, It's nice that you and Jared are getting along. I told you he was a good friend for you, didn't I?" I nodded, a wave of guilt rushing through me. I could be overthinking, but she didn't really sound that sincere. 

"I should....get to bed...I need to be up early and all...." I gave my Mom a gentle hug, before allowing her to press a kiss to my forehead. "Goodnight, Mom."