Dear Evan Hansen, It's Connor Murphy~

[7]

My phone screen illuminated with a text from Connor, informing me that he was waiting outside. It was quite early, so he wasn't going to beep to alert me. Plus, Mom was still in bed and I wouldn't want to have to relive the guilt I had felt previously if she came down. Quietly, I left the building and entered the other boy's car. 

"Where are we actually going?" I asked, once again staring out of the window and taking in the surroundings. We seemed to be heading out into the countryside. 

"I've told you," The other hummed, still focusing on the road. "You'll have to wait and see." The vehicle continued to speed down narrow roads, nothing but trees and the old house or farm store in sight. Eventually, we slowed to a halt, Connor parking up in a small dirt car park. We exited at the same time, my eyes widening as they fixated on the amazing scenery that surrounded us. Large fields of varying colours and shades extended and went on seemingly for forever, the horizon lightly dotted with beautiful trees. 

"Do you like it?" Connor asked, a smug grin on his face. I nodded excitedly in return. "I used to come here with my family, when I was younger, and I wanted to share it with you, since, well, you're part of my family now." I glanced over, a warm feeling erupting internally as he uttered those words. Family. It's true, we are family. 

Grabbing my left wrist, Connor excitedly bolted towards through the open space, dragging me with him. The long grass tickled our exposed skin as we ran and the fresh air blew at our hair, as if we were part of some happy scene from a movie or a musical production. Exhausted, Connor flopped down underneath a tree, panting heavily while still finding the breath to tell me to join him on the ground. 

~

The general conversation we had started grew quiet, and a serious expression crossed the brunette's face, confusing me slightly. 

"Evan," He began, his voice low and slightly raspy. "I need to tell you something." I shuffled closer slightly, signalling that I was giving him my full attention. "You know when I didn't come into school after that little incident we had outside of the computer lab?"

I felt myself physically wince at the memory of that event, remembering that Connor had seen me in such a state. "Yes?"

"Well, the reason I didn't come in was...well...because I had gotten myself in such a bad state. I had been having...really dark thoughts....and then when it appeared that someone as quiet, and innocent seeming like you was out to get me...I felt completely isolated. I thought no one wanted me, no one cared...I was just seen as the crazy kid who only wanted to hurt others. I was going to...end it all.... "

"Connor..." My voice cracked slightly as I murmured his name. 

"But then, you started talking to me. That small message that...must have seemed insignificant to you...kind of...showed me that perhaps you did care a bit. Someone cared about me. I'm so grateful that you came into my life, and I can't articulate how much I appreciate you. Thank you, Evan." I stared momentarily, speechless. Unsure of how I could respond with words, I leaped forward and hugged the other boy, burying my hands deep in his hair. I could sense he was trying not to cry but proving unsuccessful as a few stray tears escaped his eyes. I pulled away slightly, still close to him, and wiped away the tears with my thumbs.

"I'm glad you didn't do anything drastic, Connor," I uttered, smiling warmly at the other. "I should be thanking you, not the other way around." I offered a chuckle, before embracing him once again. 

It's true, though. I should be thanking him. Last time I was in the countryside, I was completely alone. Even though people were aware I was out here, no one seemed to care. On a day similar to this one, I had climbed a tree like the one we resided under, feeling that continuing the climb would be pointless and letting go, hoping that, just maybe, this loneliness would disappear once I hit that ground. 

I'm thankful for Connor as perhaps if he hadn't come into my life, I would once again be climbing a tree and let go, but this time, my attempt would be successful.