Dear Evan Hansen, It's Connor Murphy~

[16]

"Evan," Jared called, stopping my in my tracks on the way out. Today had felt like it had been going on for a week, and I just wanted to go home. I turned around reluctantly, being greeted by his usual smug grin. Perhaps he wasn't mad a me anymore. "I believe I've figured it out."

"What?"

"Why you and Connor have been distant from us." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, leaning back slightly. "I called it. Why didn't you tell us that you were dating?" I felt my body tense. Despite working together on our little project for a while, I knew Jared still only classed me as a family friend, so him knowing this information was risky. 

"I didn't realise that we had to share that information,"  I replied, eager to avoid this situation and go home. This response did not seem to satisfy Jared enough to let me go. 

"But hey, just because you've got a boyfriend, doesn't mean you can neglect the Found project." 

I sigh deeply, furrowing my brow. "I'm not neglecting it! I thought you had realised this?" 

"It's true though, you haven't even posted in the group chat regarding ideas and what not."

"Jared, we're not starting this again."

"I know," He huffed, obviously becoming more and more irritated with me. "But just because you've got what you wanted, doesn't mean you should stop caring about the found project and us." I rolled my eyes at his statement. 

"I thought I was just a family friend? That the only reason you talk to me is because of your car insurance. So why do you care about what I do?" I rested my hands on my hips. "Maybe...maybe the only reason you care so much is because you don't have any other friends." The other boy scrunched up his nose, unhappy about this accusation. 

"I have plenty of friends," He retorted, his voice almost like a growl- quiet but viscous. 

"Well then, let me leave and go nag them." I turned, walking quick enough so he couldn't make another comment and force me to stay in the school longer than I had to. It was harsh, but I wasn't in the mood to discuss matters with Jared. I exited the building, the sun shining in my eyes despite the cooler temperatures, and Connor eventually coming into view. My expression lit up as soon as he smiled at me, and we began departing.

~

"You can go upstairs if you like," I hummed quietly, forcing my key into the door and twisting it before opening it up and allowing us inside. "I'll go make some tea." Connor nodded, lightly patting my head before quietly pattering up towards my room. I headed into the kitchen and began filling the kettle with fresh water before flicking it on ready to boil. In preparation, I placed two tea bags inside of a couple of mugs. Resting my back against the counter, I allowed my mind to wander slightly as I waited for the hot water to be ready. I knew in a way I was correct about the situation with Jared and Alana, that they were making too big of a deal out of nothing. Connor agreed with me on that, so it can't be completely incorrect. It's not like I have completely disbanded the Found Project, and I still would like to work on it, but I don't have to revolve my entire life around it. The sharp click of the kettle signified that the water had finished boiling and snapped me out of my day dream. I completed making the cups of tea before heading up the stairs to deliver one of them to Connor. 

I stepped into the bedroom, greeting the other boy but not receiving a reply. Placing the two mugs down, I finally looked up to see Connor glaring at crumpled piece of paper, with others scattered over the bed. I was confused for a moment, unsure of what was happening. The bottom draw of my bedside table was open, which triggered the realisation of the situation. I had been cleaning out my drawers, my old letters to myself being left on my bed ready to be thrown out as a result of this.  I approached him slowly before delicately placing myself next to him on the bed.

"You kept writing these." He said finally. 

"I did for a while but-"

"You've mentioned me a few times. And Zoe. Even though you said you wouldn't."

"I know...but I was just-"

"Do you still like her? Be honest this time." He scrunched up the paper and stuffed it into his pockets before turning to me. His eyes were sheltered by a thick curtain of hair that layed infront of them as a result of the angle of his head, and his voice seemed to grow louder. "Am I just a bridge you have to cross to get to my sister? Mess around with me and my feelings before fucking off to the Murphy you really want?"

My heart seemed to stop as I watched the larger boy shout. "I...I want to be with you...those letters aren't-"

He stood up sharply, his face exposed for a few seconds as the strands of hair moved around, the light catching on one of his tears and glistening momentarily. "Well you made it pretty fucking clear in those letters that talking with me is insignificant, and you're more concerned about Zoe acknowledging you." Connor dispersed out of the room, and eventually out of my home all together. Leaping up, I began chasing after him, my chest physically aching. 

We've been in this situation before. Connor bounding off after a misunderstanding, and myself desperately chasing him to explain. Last time, I was able to reason with him. We were able to 'make up' almost. 

This time I might not be so lucky.