What He Needs

Chapter 8

.:Author's Note:.

Macy at the top

serodiscordant relationship: a relationship in which one partner is HIV-positive while the other is HIV-negative

***

Winston's POV:

"No."

That's the answer I had given Jonathan before leaving the conference room for a break. I assumed I had shocked him since there was no move made to follow after me. It was probably not the nicest thing to do, but I had valid reasons to decline the date.

For one, it wasn't real. Jonathan wasn't asking me out because he wanted to. April had basically pressured him into accompanying me on a fake date to fool some kid from my support group (which he was unaware of).

Two, I couldn't do it to myself. Knowing that it wasn't real would hurt more than anything. I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle the whole ordeal coming to an end. Jonathan would go back to looking at me as a coworker while I would continue to make googly eyes whenever he turned his back.

And three, even if by some magical power the fake date made real feelings develop on his side, there was no way we'd work out afterward. People like me constantly had things go wrong in their lives just when everything felt right. I always had to prepare for the worst these days.

For the first time in ten years, I felt stray tears run down my face. I tried to hide the fact that I was nearly bawling as I made my way out of Montego's building, yet I still received odd looks from the working class people.

Charlie (if that was even his real fucking name).

I'd like to blame Charlie for my life turning to shit, but even I knew that my life had been going downhill the moment I hit high school. Charlie was just another bump in this road I called fate. The road seemed to go on forever with nothing but potholes and casualties, leading me to the edge of nowhere. There was no destination at the end, mostly because there was nothing I could consider to be my happy ending. My fate was built for destruction.

Before I knew it, I was pulling out my phone and calling my support group leader. It was the first time, since I began attending the monthly meetings, that I was calling anyone for help. Usually, you'd ring your partner, but Ellis was part of a crazy train that I was trying to avoid.

"Hi, this is Macy." Thankfully, she picked up after three rings.

"Macy!" I sobbed, grateful that I made it to the silence of the parking lot and away from listening ears. I was a grown man crying about a hurting heart. Pathetic.

"Winston?!" Macy questioned in alarm. "Winston, sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I-I fucked up! I fucked my life up! Everything is just so fucked up!"

"Winston! Winston! What happened? Are you hurt?" Macy replied urgently.

"There's no one in this lifetime that I can allow to love me. Do people like me even deserve happy endings? Is it karma? I-I don't think I've done anything wrong! But why d-does God hate me so much?"

"Oh, sweetheart..."

"Is that what you think?" I heard Jonathan ask, scaring the shit out of me and causing me to turn around abruptly. My grip on my phone tightened considerably as I locked eyes with the handsome man.

"Winston, who's that?" Macy questioned, but I was too focused on Jonathan, who had apparently followed me out of the building, and currently stood in front of me with a deep frown on his face.