If I stay

Howls

I wake up to a sniffling sound. Rolling over, I squint my eyes trying to figure out who exactly is crying. Blake stands at the end of the bed and rubs tears from his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I utter tiredly. I sit up and feel myself get pulled closer to Alex. I push myself away. Blake's bottom lip quivers.

"I had a bad dream." He's crying now. I poke out my bottom lip and let out a breath. Poor kid.

"You can sleep with us," I offer. I give him a reassuring smile and scoot over so there's room for him to lay in between Alex and I. Blake hesitates, but climbs between us and let's out a sigh.

"Thank you," Blake whispers. I force a smile onto my face and wipe the tears from under his eyes. My grandma always told me that eating sweets before bed have you nightmares. I should have told Blake that. He ate so much sugar before he went to bed.

"Get to sleep, okay?" I say. Blake nods his head and curls against me. I can't help but notice how his hand is against my stomach.

My eyes fall to Alex. His lips are parted lightly, and his eyebrows are furrowed. I wonder if he too is having a bad dream. I can't tell anything with him, though. I focus back on Blake. My hands run through his hair, it's soft.

"Taylor?" Alex's voice is filled with sleep. I have to admit, I'm a sucker for any male voice when they first wake up. My eyes shoot to his in an instant. I didn't expect him to wake up.

"Hhm?" I hum in response.

"I can't sleep without you." He utters. I let out a tired breath. He knew I had moved.

Alex reaches for me, and pulls Blake and I closer to him. I don't try to fight him. There's the fact Blake is asleep right next to me, and the fact that I don't really mind sleeping this close to Alex. The baby likes it.

Alex nuzzles his head close to mine and let's out a heavy breath. We lay in silence. I cannot fall back to sleep. Alex's hand rubs the back of my waist line, he too is having trouble sleeping.

"I think that Blake might be mine." Alex says, cutting through the silence in the air. I raise my eyes to look at his and furrow my eyebrows. The two of them look so much alike, and they have the same sort of smell.

"Oh?" I ask. "Why do you think that?" I push for an anwser. I know that he has to have a reason beyond just his assumptions.

"His mum and I had been in a relationship before my brother found out that she was his mate." He explains. Alex runs his fingers over Blake's hair gently and he sighs. "I can't tell you if it's true or not, about him being mine, but I always assume that he could be. There's a chance that he is." Alex says softly. Him and Chelsea must have recently gotten together then. I mean, Blake is almost five years old.

"Have you talked to his mum about it?" I ask. Alex let's out a shaky breath. He's on the brink of tears.

"She passed away a year ago." He admits, looking down at Blake with a sad look on his face. "I want to go get that test done to see if he's mine or not; but if he is I can't do that to Jacob." His brother, "he's already broken hearted enough. I can't just strip his child away- even if he is mine." Alex sighs.

"Oh.." I mutter. He does have a heart. Is this why Alex refuses to get close to Blake? Is he afraid to get too close then lose him like he lost her?

"Did you love her?" I ask. Alex looks at me and smiles a little.

"Of course I loved her. I let her go because I wanted her to be happy. Even if it wasn't with me. I just wish.." He sighs.

"You wish that she would have been yours?" I ask. Alex let's out a sad breath and mumbles a soft yeah. He rolls over and sits up on his elbow.

"I wish that I could have at least told her how much I cared about her before she passed. I feel like it's all my fault." He sighs. I gulp.

"What happened?" I wonder out loud. I don't mean for it to come out. It just does. Alex let's out a shaky breath and looks away from me to Blake.

"She-she wasn't happy." I swallow hard. She did? My heart hurts for him. For Blake, and for Jacob. I've been separated from Ryan, but I can't imagine losing him.

"It's not your fault..." I whisper. I can't bring myself to really speak. Alex sighs.

"She wasn't happy because of me. I thought she'd be happy without me and with my brother. It's all my fault." Alex mumbles. He's talking more to himself than me. He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs.

"Just go back to sleep, mama. I'll be back in bed in a minute." He says, Alex rushed his words out. He climbs from the bed and walks out of the room in complete silence. I start to ask him where he's going, but he's gone in the blink of an eye.

I lay there, clutching Blake to my chest and snuggling closer to him under the warm blankets. The things Alex had
Just shared with me is enough to break a heart and make sure someone can't put it back together again. Maybe I had
just heard the explanation to his wicked, without-thought ways. Maybe, just maybe, Alex is beginning to realize what he has done wrong. There's no way of fixing it now, but at least he can learn from his mistakes.

The sound of a howl comes from outside, not too far away. I shut my eyes let out out a tired breath, knowing that it's Alex, crying out to the moon goddess for forgiveness. I won't pressure him anymore, because some things are better left unsaid.