If I stay

Chance

"Alex," my voice is hardly above a whisper as I catch his attention. He doesn't make an effort to look over at me, but acknowledges me with a hum.

I close my eyes when the sun hits my face. It had rained recently, and the smell of it still lingers in the air. I squint and inhale. Something about rain calms me.

"What you said in the office the other day.." I say, I turn to Alex who is sitting across from me in a chair. I'm on the hammock. I'm not lying there, just simply sitting, and relaxing.

"What about it?" He asks. His voice is monotone. I can't tell what he's feeling, and I can't read his face. Alex Frank is  a master at hiding his emotions -most of the time- from me. I chew on the inside of my cheek. Why did I have to bring it up?

"I can't stay." I say abruptly. Alex clenches his jaw. He knows exactly what I'm talking about from the other day in his office. He had sounded so sincere about it that I had to set things straight.

"Why not?" He asks. The tone of his voice isn't readable. He's pushing me. I let out a shaky breath. I shouldn't have even brought it up. I only have four more months here. I could have held it in.

"I have people that care about me, and a family to go back home to, Alex." I say. My voice is too quiet. I hope that he heard me, because I don't want to repeat myself.  I have Ryan, North, Gloria, Lucas.. the list keeps going on in my head. Alex's voice breaks through my thoughts.

"I really do care about you, mama." His voice is soft, and sounds strained. I simply blink. This isn't caring. This is making a deal and complying to the rules. "You'll have a family here too." He adds. Bang. It's a blow straight to the chest. My heart hurts at the thought of leaving the baby behind.

"This isn't caring, Alex. You only care for me because I'm carrying your baby." I say. I refuse to let his words get to me. I'm a sucker when it comes to making people feel bad. I always try to cheer them up or make them happy.

"It's more than that, Taylor. I cared about you even before I got you pregnant." He says. A look crosses his face. A look of...certainty? I chew on my cheek. My heart is beating hard in my chest.

"I'm not staying, Alex. You and I made a deal that I could leave once your baby is born. No feelings, no nothing. Don't make it harder than it has to be." I say. Leaving will be heart breaking because I've gotten so attached to the baby. I hope I can bring myself to leave him behind.

"You're totally right, Taylor. I did promise to let you go home. I just tried to offer you a chance to stay here. Leave the life you used to have. Why do you even think he'll want you after he finds out you had a baby with me?" His words hit me hard. I swallow. He didn't sugar coat his question at all. I open my mouth and close it because I have nothing to say.

He's asked me this question before. This time, it seems to have hit me harder. Ryan loves me. He's told me he has. Would he really want me back after what I've done? After EVERYTHING that's happened while I was away? I swallow the growing lump in my throat. A wave of doubt washes over me. What if I tell him, and he leaves me without a second thought.

I have to be strong. I cannot let my anxiety attack me, or let Alex break me down by such a simple question. He seems to do that a lot. To find my weakest points.

"When you get married, you have to promise your other half that you will be there through thick and thin. Ryan said I do. He made the promise to love me no matter what, and this, by the way was not my decision at all. Let's say that Ryan doesn't want me. I've still got my daughter. He can't keep me away from her. He could try, but he wouldn't do that to me. I'll be happy with just that. At least, at least I'd be able to see his face every once in a while and remember the good times that we had. Maybe one day he might even change his mind, and want me the way that I want him. With every ounce of my being." I lay my words on him like I'm a teacher in a middle school. I huff, cross my arms over my chest and stare at him with a intent to see his reaction.

He raises an eyebrow and smiles. "You have a way with words, mama. Let's hope that Alexi doesn't talk back like you do. That's not a good trait in an alpha, ya know. I'll accept that. Your speech. But, my offer will lay on the table forever. I do like you, Taylor. A lot. Everything after the baby is completely up to you. That's our agreement, and I do exactly what I say."

"I'm leaving, and that's final." I say. I stick to my word too. Alex simply nods his head and looks towards the driveway as someone pulls up. It's a cheery red Nissan. The windows are extremely tinted, and when they come to a stop, it goes quiet.

"Go inside, Taylor." Alex's voice goes from serious, to alpha in a split second. I hesitate and look at the car. I want to argue, but now is not the time. I sigh, and climb out of the hammock and step inside the door.

The door shuts, the sounds of growls and snarls fill my ears as the door clicks. My heart pounds in my chest. If it was possible, you could hear it from china. It might now have been beating that loud, but I know I could hear it.

I'm confused as to what's going on. I peek out the widow, seeing a large black wolf standing over one that isn't quite as big. I've seen deaths so many times, it phases me but, it still bothers me. I'm afraid. I don't know which one Alex is. The black wolf climbs off the other one and let's it run.

It's breathing heavy. It's lips are still curled and he looks around. They land on the house. I look at the eyes, and suddenly I'm not scared anymore. The bright blue eyes belong to none other than Alex. A sense of relief washes over me.

What happened, and why did it happen so fast? I can't decide wether to run and hide, or to bring some pants out to Alex. I sigh.

I step back outside with a pair of shorts ruffled between my fingertips. As angry as I want to be at Alex, right now is not the time at all. I hate it. He always has a reason for me to care about him. This time, it's his saftey.

He shifts in front of me and gives me a grateful smile. Alex doesn't seem fazed by him naked in front of me. He's too confident in himself. He tugs on the shorts, and clears his throat. I take that as a sign to look back at him. I had adverted my eyes to the trees behind him.

"What happened?" I ask running my fingers over a deep cut on his abdomen. It'll heal, but cleaning it up would be a good idea. He flinches when I touch the fresh wound.

"My ex-beta challenged me for my title." Alex says as if it's no big deal. I internally freak out. The ex beta, if he won, would have taken everything from him. Even his kids if he wanted.

"Are you okay?" I ask, I study him. I try and make sure I didn't miss anything. Alex let's out a breath and gives me a soft smile.

"I'm fine, mama. I've still got my title, and you and Alexi are safe." He tugs me into a bear hug. I squeak. He's squeezing me tight, yet he's still being cautious of the being between us. Inside of me.

"Aren't you worried that he'll come back?" I wonder out loud. Alex shakes his head.

"There's always a chance, but sometimes chances can be a good thing." He reminds me. I let out a breath and nod my head.

A chance that Ryan will forgive me for adultry.