If I stay

Phone call

I lie in bed alone, trying my best to fall asleep with a mind full of different thoughts. I love Ryan to death, and my daughter- but I think that I love Alex just as well.

It terrifies me. I don't want to have this kind of thing with my kidnapper. This isn't right, and it isn't fair for anyone. I want to be with Ryan, and I miss him more than anything. The time apart from him has brought Alex closer to me, and I hate it.

It's sickening. Stockholm syndrome. Alex has been so nice, but the circumstances that I'm under is disgusting. I should be revolting at the thought of him- but instead I only want to keep him happy.

The bathroom light flicks on, and Alex's heavy footsteps fill my ears. I inhale deeply, my lungs taking in the scent of him.

"Alex?" I say softly, shifting and sitting up slightly. His eyes slowly flicker to me, and his eyebrows furrow.

"What are you still doing up, mama?" The fire in his eyes is there- I know he's angry but somehow his voice sounds calm and collected.

"I- um," I twiddle my fingers. "I can't sleep without you." I admit. Alex's jaw clenches and unclenches as he eyes me over. "I can ask you the same thing."

"I was on the phone with Chelsea. I'll be in bed after awhile." He says roughly. I swallow and watch his movements carefully. Usually, Alex is calm but not this calm.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask softly, looking up at him with a pout on my face. Alex lets out a sigh.

"Stop looking at me like that." He grumbles, clearly annoyed by what ever was said over the phone.

"Like what?" I wonder out loud. I'm not looking at him in any certain way, I'm just trying to figure out what's got him so upset.

"Like you actually care about what's going on." He blinks casually. My jaw nearly drops to the floor. I obviously do care! What a complete asshole!

"Alex. I'm not in the mood to fucking argue with you." I grumble. "If you don't want to talk about it, just tell me. Don't be a fucking asshole." I growl.

Instead of continuing to talk to him, I pull the blankets over me and lay back down. Fuck Alex and his hateful attitude. I don't have to put up with it. He can have this baby and then I'll be done with him for good. Wait- I don't even want my baby around this arrogant prick.

"Baby-" I hear him say softly, but I ignore him. I hate when he calls me that, but I also hate it even more when he calls me by my real name. He doesn't deserve to be able to say it.

I hate how attached I've gotten to him. He bought me for crying out loud. Like I'm some kind of thing to put a price tag on. It's disgusting. He's disgusting.

I'm disgusting.

Tears begin to fall down my face as I lie in bed. Maybe Alex is right. Maybe he isn't saying stuff just to get to my head.

Maybe Ryan won't even want me when I get back home. If he doesn't, I don't know if I'll be able to stand that kind of heartbreak. What if Alex is right? My heart will be broken- and what if Ryan takes my daughter from me?

The thought makes my heart sink, and I quietly lay and cry. I try my best to keep Alex- who has disappeared into the closet- from hearing me.

I'm too sensitive. I can blame it on the hormones, but it's more than that. I've been through enough, and I'm over thinking too much. I don't like being alone although that's what I want. Nothing seems to be helping me, I can't run away from myself.

"Hey," Alex's voice says softly as the bed sinks in behind me. His large hands gently grab ahold of me and pull me against his body. "I didn't mean to be so hateful," he apologizes, resting a kiss on my shoulder.

Quietly I rub my eyes and sniffle, ignoring Alex. Being held while I cry is so relieving, yet so disgusting at the same time. I hate being so weak, especially in front of anyone. He nuzzles his head into the crook of my neck and lets out a soft sigh.

"It's more than that." He says for me. Stating the obvious. The smoothness of his lips runs over the skin on my neck leaving goosebumps on my body.

"You can talk to me about it if you want to, but I don't want to pressure you into anything." He kisses just next to my ear and I sigh. "I want to apologize for the attitude I gave you earlier. I was on the phone with Chelsea and I can't ever get her to listen to me." He sighs.

"She would listen if you just fucked her." I mumble, pulling the blanket up over my face. She's a stuck up bitch that needs some bone in her life to get ride of some of the stress.

"She won't let me fuck her." He chuckles, "she doesn't even let me touch her." His chuckle goes silent, and when I peek my head out of the blanket he has a slight frown on his face.

I knot my eyebrows. "Why not?" Love him or not the woman has to at least be phased by the mate bond that they share. I mean- the man is breath taking. His bright blue eyes stay locked on mine for awhile before he lets out a heavy sigh.

"I don't know, she's too bitchy to even think about doing that to, anyways. It's unattractive." He shrugs. I smile, for some reason satisfied. He's not attracted to her.

"When is she coming back over?" I ask, knotting my eyebrows. A plan comes to mind, and I give Alex a soft kiss on the chin.

"Tomorrow, why?" He says softly, I kiss him again and again, until he finally laughs and pushes my face away from his.

"No reason." I bite my lip and lay back down. Slowly, the atmosphere is back to normal and Alex rests his head by mine and presses a kiss to my shoulder.

I fall asleep, enjoying the feeling of his hand on my stomach.