Alternate ending to Carrier, written by Prayercircle.
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"Let me mark you," he whispers, panting, running his lips over my tender skin. I swallow when his hand rests on my swelling belly. My heart splits in two.
Because I love Ryan. But I...
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"Mama," Alex utters gently. I don't acknowledge his presence. I simply lay on the guest bed, facing away from him. He had no right to even say what he did, or even ask me to give myself up to him.
I cannot just pretend that I didn't have a life before Alex. I had a brilliant life before. One that I wish would just come back. I wished that everything was just a dream, and that eventually I'd wake up from this nightmare and wake up next to Ryan.
The bed sinks in beside me. Heat from Alex's body radiates to mine, and I scoot away from him. "Please look at me." He begs. I can almost hear a strain in his voice. He's trying to be gentle with me now. I don't know why. Every word he speaks seems to be just as painful as the last. I'm a ball of mixed emotions. I'm extremely angry, and I'm extremely depressed right about now.
I ignore his command. He can beg me all he wants. I will not give him any kind of upper hand. He should understand that he gets what he deserves. Karma is, and always will be, a bitch.
"Taylor, I'm sorry." He cooes, pressing an hand against my arm. I shrug his hand off of me. "Just get away from me, Alex." I snap. What gives him the right to even touch me? I clench my teeth together, and a grinding noise fills my ears.
"I didn't mean what I said back there. It wasn't me. All my wolf wanted was for you to submit to him, and when you didn't he got furious." He tries to explain. Typical.
"Don't blame your wolf for your own actions, Alex. You've said the same thing to me before. I'm not a baby." I snap. "The truth hurts, but don't lie to me about something so pathetic. Take the blame for your own mistakes, and get the hell away from me." I grumble. I stare at the egg -shell white wall. If I look Alex in the eye I might just try and attack him. Wolf or no wolf.
"Fine, I'll admit that it was me. But, Taylor. Who could really blame me? You keep leading me on." Leading him on? I repeat the words over in my head. He's got his story backwards.
I sit up and have my hand pushed against his neck in an instant. I remember doing this to Ryan when he called me weak. Alex is taken back by my sudden actions. He sits there, and takes it.
"Me? Leading you on?" I growl. I'm beyond furious. Alex's eyes grow wide, and he simply stares back at my own. "You're always kissing me! You force me to sleep in the same god damned bed as you! And you refuse to let me leave the building without you around me! You better learn who's leading who on." I snap. I feel my teeth grow in size.
"So you admit it." He growls back. His eyes get darker as the seconds pass. I get confused.
"Admit what?" I snap. He takes my wrist and pushes it from his throat. He holds it in his hand and gives it a light squeeze. I jerk out of his grip.
"Admit that you have feelings for me." He pushes. I clench my jaw. Why the hell would he think something like that?
"You've got be to be kidding me! I don't have feelings for you!" I yell. Alex let's out a frustrated breath.
"Just admit it, Taylor!" He snaps. When I simply growl and don't say anything else he pushes the argument further. "What about all those nights when you grab onto me when you're asleep, and all those times you've came to my room to make sure that I've eaten? Or even when the baby kicks, and you rush to me to make me feel! There has to be something! If you didn't like me you wouldn't try to be around me all the time. Just admit it to me and yourself!" He yells back. I swallow.
"I don't.." I growl. My heart is beating out of my chest. Alex let's out a low growl and is breathing heavy now.
"You're lying." He grumbles. My blood boils. Why does he just assume that everyone likes him?
"It's hard not to when you've become such a big part of my life!" I scream. I admit it. Not only to him, but myself. I've gotten feelings for Alex. My heart seems to stop as the words fall from my mouth. I didn't want to ever have to admit it. I just wanted to leave and pretend that I never even met Alex. Truth is, I won't be able to just forget about him. He and I will share a handful of good memories, and we'd have a child together. You can't just forget about someone like that. Even though what he has done is wrong, memories do not fade.
I want to hate him. Deep down I know that I do. I hate him for stripping me of my happiness, and taking away the life I had. I hate him for making me have feelings for him. I also, as much as I hate to say it, love him. In a sick and twisted way. It isn't like the love I have for Ryan. Nothing could compare to that. But, I know what love is and I feel it for Alex.
I love spending time with him, and love his smile and his eyes and the way he talks to me as if I'm his best friend.
Tears blind my vision. I had left Alex speechless. He already knew, but I don't think he expected me to say it. I don't want him to hug me as I cry, or even have him anywhere near me at this point. The hug is nice, even if it's coming from him.
I hate this place. I hate being with Alex instead of Ryan. I hate being pregnant. Most of all, I hate myself. How could I have let things get this bad?
