The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

15: Was that really something you had to share?

Future

[Me, age 13]

Me: Hey mom, when you were younger what did you want to be when you grew up?

Mrs. Ordinary [miffed]: I'm still young you know.

Me: ...I meant like grade school aged.

Mrs. Ordinary: When I was really little I wanted to be a supermarket owner.

Me: Wow, really? Why?

Mrs. Ordinary: Because I thought that meant I would be able to eat all the cookies, candies and chips I wanted.

Me: Aw, that's kind of cute.

Mrs. Ordinary: Yeah, that dream died when I found out I wouldn't be getting them for free.

Me: Reality's harsh isn't it...

Mrs. Ordinary: That's why my second dream was to marry a really rich guy. And when that wasn't working out, I figured at the very least, I needed to marry a good-looking guy.

Me: So basically you were shallower than a kiddie pool...

Mrs. Ordinary: I realized that too, which is why I ended up settling for your father.

Me: ...

After this conversation I ended up pitying my dad a bit.

Cranes

[Still, age 8]

Still [reading]: It says here that if you fold one thousand origami cranes and make a wish, it'll come true.

Me: That sounds like a lot of work...

Still: I'm going to try it.

[A week later]

Me [seeing Still with large piece of paper]: Isn't that piece of paper a little too big?

Still: Well, I kind of gave up on folding one thousand cranes. It's actually so much work. So instead, I figured I would make one big crane, a thousand times the size of one, to represent the sincerity of one thousand cranes. 

Me: What an insincere way of showing sincerity...

Typo

A couple years after my parents jumped on the digital bandwagon, they convinced my grandparents to upgrade their ancient flip phones to smartphones. They had a rather difficult time adjusting to this switch.

Grandpa Ordinary: Still, can you come take a look at my phone for me? I think it's broken. I left a message for a guy I needed to meet a week ago and he never responded.

Still [walking over]: Sure, grandpa. [Fiddling with phone] Which contact is it?

Grandpa Ordinary [points]: It's this one.

Still: [looks over the messages and starts laughing]: Grandpa your phone isn't broken. The other guy just probably didn't know how to respond to your text.

Grandpa Ordinary: What's wrong with what I said? I told him I'd be able to come over after I put your baby cousin to sleep for her midday nap.

Still: I'm sure that's what you meant but you made a typo here. Instead of saying "I'll be over after my grandkid's nap" you sent him "I'll be over after my grand kidnap."

Grandpa Ordinary: No, I didn't!

Still: It's right here. Look. What's worse is that after he replied with "Excuse me?" You went ahead and said "No other adults will be around tomorrow so I have to settle it. I hope you can understand." He probably thought you were some sort of child predator.

Grandpa Ordinary: I need to call him to explain!

Still [chuckling]: Yeah, you should probably stick to calling from now on or at least double check your texts before you send them.