Choosing Happy

Chapter Fourteen

Rachel and I decide to keep our regular schedule on Wednesday so there isn't any reason for someone to suspect anything is brewing. I know we're all being watched but since no one has made a move yet, Joey and I walk into the shop at noon and we're ready to work.

He jumps right into fulfilling orders while I sign some checks Rachel has prepared. It's almost five before I get the text from Spencer that he's on his way downtown to meet with Matty and Topher's assistant. This showing of a multimillion dollar penthouse took some favors on Matty's end but the owner has been traveling and trusts Matty to keep things professional.

I feel sick to my stomach by the time we lock up and head home. Every minute that passes puts me closer to success or failure. Sensing my stress, Joey just holds my hand and lets me brood quietly while we drive the short distance to my house.

I'm tempted to keep driving until we reach the Atlantic but I know we can't hide from this. Just one more day and it will all be over. For better or worse, the clock is ticking.

After a quick dinner of pasta and steamed veggies, Joey and I head to bed. I'm just lying down when Spencer calls from his hotel. "It's a go."

Thank God. It feels like one of the chains constricting my chest has been removed and I can breathe a tiny bit easier. It's not actual relief but it's close. "Tell me what happened."

"All you need to know is I'm meeting with the seller tomorrow. I've asked him to bring up to six pieces so I can see how they'll look in the apartment I'm about to buy."

"What time are you meeting him?"

"I figured the earlier the better so I said four." Spencer pauses for a moment then continues. "I can see why you're worried."

"Why's that?" What could he have learned from the assistant that would have given anything away about my situation?

"Dylan, the assistant, practically shit himself when I said I needed six pieces in twenty-four hours."

"Why?"

"Doesn't look like he's too happy with his employment situation either. When he called his boss, he was white as a fucking ghost."

Interesting. Maybe we would be saving more than Joey if all went well.

"But everything is good? No one is suspicious?" If even one person learns we're setting up DeMonaco for a fall, we'd be dead by morning. Loyalty runs deep in the DeMonaco roots, which is what I'm counting on to get the bad sheep out of the picture.

"Not at all. Go celebrate, dude." I can hear the amusement in his voice as he speaks. "I'll be here practicing my acting skills to take down that motherfucker."

"Thanks, Spence. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't able to help."

"Don't worry, man." He laughs darkly. "It's not like I've got anyone waiting for me at home. I might as well help a brother out when I can."

I appreciate his humor but it doesn't release the ache in my throat. "You know it's more than that."

"Yeah, man." Spencer clears his throat after a five-second pause. "I know."

When I hang up, Joey quickly climbs on top of me, fully pressing against the length of my body as if he's trying to fuse with it. If only.

We don't get silly or rough or wild. We spend the next two hours just kissing and touching and licking. We don't even come. That's not what we need. We just need to be together and memorize each other in anticipation of the chaos awaiting.

~**~

Rachel calls early Thursday to let me know she'll work the entire day so I don't have to go in at all. I'm relieved and nervous at the same time. The distraction of going to the shop would help the hours pass faster. But every hour that passes could be one of my last with Joey for a long time to come. Maybe even forever.

That outcome isn't a possibility for me. I have to stay positive so I don't go insane. After breakfast and a workout, I suggest a drive out to Multnomah Falls. It's been ages since I've gone out there and I just want focused alone time with Joey.

I want to learn everything about him while I still can. And to tell him how special he's become to me in just the few days since he fell into my life.

We pack up some sandwiches and water bottles then head out to see one of the tallest waterfalls in the country.

The drive is quiet as we're both contemplating what the rest of the day will bring. The thirty-minute drive seems to pass in just moments. There are so many things to say but every word that forms in my mind sounds either like a declaration of love or a permanent goodbye.

I'm certainly not ready to say goodbye but I'm not quite ready to make any grand statements either. My feelings for Joey run deep but is it love? Real, true, do-anything-to-protect-it love. My racing heart and permagrin make me think it is.

During the few times in my life when I was in love—first with Ricky then with Zach—I was a broken boy. I quickly fell into their webs because they wanted to take care of me. Fix me. Am I still that broken kid looking for someone to love?

Sometimes it feels like it but this time is different. It isn't just that Joey is broken and I am in a position to help him. It's more of an overall happiness I feel with him.

I was sad and lonely when Ricky died but it didn't destroy me. And when Zach and I broke up, it was the practical decision so I didn't let it tear me up either. We made the mutual decision to part ways and I was okay with that. Lonely, again. But I was okay.

Thinking about my life without Joey makes my stomach knot and my heart feel like it is wrapped in a vice. I can't imagine it. I wouldn't survive. Is that the difference between loving a friend and loving a soul mate?

We pull into the visitor lot and silently grab our backpacks. As soon as he's by my side, I clasp Joey's hand and seal my palm around it.

I absently glance at my watch. It's almost noon. Four more hours before Joey's fate is sealed... and mine. "I was thinking we could eat after we get to the bridge."

"I need to be there." Joey stops walking, halting my next step.

"At the bridge? It's not too far." Benson Bridge is one of the best places to really take in the beauty of the falls.

"No. At the penthouse today." He looks at me with an expression that leaves no room for argument. "I have to be there when it all goes down."

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, counting to five to keep the edge out of my voice. "Absolutely not." Before he can begin his own response, I kiss him hard on the mouth. Pressing my lips against his as much to shut him up as to taste his sweet essence.

"There's nothing for you to do there but get hurt."

Truthfully, I want to be there too but I can't risk leaving Joey alone. We are coming up on the prick's deadline and he could have someone waiting to grab up my little duck as soon as my back is turned. That's why my back won't be turned until DeMonaco is out of the picture.

"I have to be there. I need to see for myself that he's taken care of if I'm ever going to feel safe again." He starts walking again. "Please, Steve. I need this."

I can't deny the desperation in his voice. Letting out a deep breath, I acquiesce. "I'll talk to Allen."

The views are breathtaking and as we stand in the center of the bridge and admire the tremendous force of nature in front of us, I begin to let the inklings of hope seep into my soul. Despite so many ways for our little mission to fail, I choose to believe we're gonna pull this off.