11 ↝ realising & choosing

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Mackenzie Ziegler
20 June 2017

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"Mackenzie, thats... amazing. How did you keep that a secret?" Lauren whistles, looking astounded, as Maddie gives me a half smile.

"I don't know." I whisper back, not actually believing what I just did.

"You have to tell him!" Lauren gasps, getting up. "You've got to make up for lost–"

"No!" I interrupt, and they both look at me. My cheeks flood with warmth. "I- I mean I can't."

"Why not?" Maddie asks, looking confused and, I realise with a little jolt, upset.

"Because I like Hayden too." I breathe.

There. I said it.

Liking Hayden is different to liking Johnny. With Hayden, everything is clear cut and honest. He doesn't hide his feelings and I can trust him to look out for me. With Johnny, nothing is predictable. He can be super nice to me one day, and then the next it's like it's never even happened. That being said, when he's in a good mood he's probably one of my favourite people to be around because of his sarcasm and wit. As much as I like Hayden, he just can't be like that; but it's refreshing, easy to get along with. I'm tied here; I'll never be able to make a decision between the two.

"No, no, you don't. You like Johnny." Lauren says, trying to convince me, and as I speak next my voice wobbles. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
"Lauren, I like both of the guys."

"But you like Johnny more." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
"That's not something you can control." I say, and there's a note of finality in my voice that even she can't argue with. "It's not even something I can control."

The atmosphere is suddenly filled with tension, and a flower of apprehension blooms in my chest.

"I'm sorry, I just... can't help it you know?" All of a sudden, I feel like I need to cry.

Why does life have to be so difficult?

"Awe Mackenzie." Maddie says softly, noticing my tears and getting out of bed. When her feet hit the floor, she hisses.

"Shit, it's cold!" She whisper yells, and I manage a smile; even a small chuckle. Quickly, she tiptoes to my bed and sits opposite me. I push my hair out of my eyes, as Lauren still cackles at what just happened.

"It's supposed to be summer!" She hisses again, and Lauren hushes her. I giggle. Maddie now wipes the tears from my eyes, before kissing me on the cheek and running back into her bed. My covers rustle as I turn to look at my alarm clock, and it reads 12:08. Wow, we must have been talking for a while. I look over to see Lauren yawn.

"Same." Maddie says, referring to the yawn and the tiredness. We all have a giggle.

"Are you okay Kenz?" Lauren asks as I lie back.

"Yes." I reply.

If only they new how torn up I feel inside.

"Okay. Goodnight you two, I'm off." She yawns.

"Night." Maddie and I say back before I close my eyes and wait for sleep to come.

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[531 words]

Oooh! So she's upset :( Please give this a vote and a comment, love you if you doooo xx

summer of '17 • jenzieWhere stories live. Discover now