she looks like you | k.t.h

06

Yuna: you deserve closure.

Saved as a draft

But of course I'm too much of a coward to give you it.

After you fell asleep that fateful night, I saw something I shouldn't have. My insomnia was bad, so I got out of bed and started looking around your room. I know that was wrong, I shouldn't have invaded your personal privacy, but I couldn't help it. My curiosity got the best of me.

I wandered over to your desk and saw a piece of paper sticking carelessly out of a notebook.

I thought it was just a song you were working on.

But it wasn't.

My eyes scanned over your childish handwriting in horror.

"Dear PD-nim," it began, "This is hard for me to say, especially since you've treated me and the other members with such love and kindness over these past several years, but I can't keep it a secret anymore.

I've broken my contract.

There's this girl--this wonderful, beautiful girl--who I have fallen head over heels for. I know that dating as an idol is off limits, which is why we've kept this a secret, but I can't keep it hidden anymore. I can't keep her hidden anymore. I want the world to know that I'm hers. Utterly and exclusively hers. I need you to understand that I love BTS so much--but I love her too. That's why..."

That's where the letter ended.

I grabbed my belongings in a hurry then, rushing out as quickly as possible.

We agreed to keep our relationship a secret--it was a mutual decision, one that I thought we were both content with--until your contract expired.

Why did you change your mind?

I didn't know what would happen if your PD read that letter. Would you be kicked out of the band? Would you be forbidden to see me? Would you be sued?

Two weeks went by of constant calls and texts on your end. I never answered.

What did I do wrong?

That's what you always asked me.

Please, tell me what I did wrong. Tell me how I can fix it.

I picked up the phone to finally call you back after giving you the silent treatment. I was pissed that you wrote that letter behind my back without consulting me, and I was ready to change your mind and keep your pretty little mouth shut.

However, something strange happened in that moment.

I got sick.

I ran to the toilet, spewing my guts out.

When I was done, my roommate tossed me a pregnancy test. I looked at her like she was crazy. There could have been a million and one different reasons as to why I threw up, and she just concludes that I'm pregnant?

"Your period is a week late," she noted. "I'd know, we cycle."

"It's not too abnormal for your period to be one week late," I defended.

She shrugged.

"Paired with the vomit, I'd say it's something worth being curious about."

"I'm not pregnant," I huffed.

"Then there's nothing wrong with taking a test to confirm that."

Rolling my eyes, I agreed to take the test. I never thought that it would come back positive.

But it did.