Dare To Believe

chapter 2

Every morning had been a drag of him. Trying to find the will to live and the purpose for his existence but fails miserably.

He missed his old self. Big time. But everything changed since that day.

Life doesn't stop when someone dies. He need to continue his life, even though his sole purpose for being in this world was gone.

He shook his head to get rid of the unwanted thoughts that was clouding his mind.

He disdainfully ate his breakfast up to the last bit.

Soon after he finished breakfast, he stood up and went to the shower room.

The coldness of the ceramic floor assaulted the sole of his feet. He didn't budge, though. His system was accustomed to what it feels like to be cold.

There was a vanity mirror right above the sink which was in front of him.

He first remove his eyeglasses then he peeled his shirt from his body, leaving him naked from the above. Then he pulled down his jeans, just living him naked from top to bottom.

The winds touch was cold to his pale skin. But he was unaffected. He was shivering a bit, he was unsure if it was because of the cold air or because he was cringing about his appearance.

His eyes hold no emotion at all. It was like a dark void, nothing inside it.

The ribcage which was protecting his heart was already visible from the skin.

Jason laughed a little, well, he tried to laugh.

The ribcage was supposed to protect his heart. He just hoped that it can protect his heart from the frustration and the depression that was consuming him, eating every part of him from the inside.

He withdraw the look of disgust he was throwing his reflection then stepped under the spray of water from the shower.

He let the water run through his hair down to his body. His eyes were wide open and he can feel the water entering his eyes. They were a bit stingy but he didn't mind. He was again trapped in a trance only he can see.

He went on preparing himself for school. It was the last day of the semester that time. He was just going to have his clearance signed and he can already go to his Christmas season hibernation.

Not that he hated the holidays. It was just because he feels that holidays aren't much of a big deal nowadays. And besides, Jason had no family to celebrate the season with.

Jason used to spend the Christmas season with his family back in their home when his mom was still alive. But since she died, he no longer want to be with his family, he cant even stand to see his family.

With a sigh, he dressed up again, just like what he wore before he had breakfast. He always had a bad habit of sleeping naked.

Sleep had always been his escape route to everything's he's going through. At least, when he's asleep he wont think about the problem he's going through. He will not be hunted by the past for a few hours. He can remain in peace for quite some time.

Well, not unless he'll have an episode of his nightmare.

He caressed Roxy's head before leaving the house, his dog was a gift from his mom. The last gift he got from her, thats why he loves the dog so much.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The moment he arrived at school, he immediately went to collage's department office to have his clearance signed and for him to officially start his holiday mayhem at home.

To Jason's surprise, one of his classmate approached him. Out of all classmates, that guy was the only one who dared to talk to him. If Jason's memory serves him correctly, the guy's name was Andrew.

As far as Jason can remember, Andrew was pastor's son in a christian church in their city. If there was an epitome for positivity, good vibes and strong will - that would be Andrew.

He was engaged in a conversation with Andrew maybe once or twice. But latter would always smile or wave a hello at him every time he'll see him.

"Hi bro! " Andrew greeted Jason, the former's face was enlightened when he smile a bit.

He gently tapped Jason's shoulder, "where do you plan to stay this Christmas break?" He asked.

Jason turned his gaze upon the classmate, "I'll just stay home, i think!"

"Oh okay," he said, then combed his dark brown hair using his fingertips.

"Why?" Jason asked, still bewildered by his classmate's question.

He shook his head "nothing, I was just asking," the other guy's attention was shifted to the clearance. Slip that was crumpled a little from the tight grip of his right hand.

Every time someone talks to him, he cant help but to feel uneasy. He was emotionally claustrophobic, well, he insisted he was, for every time someone would come too close to him, he feels uneasy. He feels vulnerable. He feels unsafe.

That's one of the downsides of being him, having people around him makes his legs all jelly. His current mindset made a notion to his feelings that whenever someone will be beside him, pain is expected to come on him.

"Hey Jason! You okay?"

He touched his shoulders once again, Jason snapped, "yes Im fine!"

Both of them were shocked at his sudden outburst "Im sorry!" He mumbled.

Andrew was about to apologize too, but he run away from him and went inside the office.