Dare To Believe

chapter 11

He was right about one thing - he cannot and will not stay another day on the cabin with Andrew - so he decided that he would just go home on his own.

Midnight came, he was sure that Andrew was already asleep by that time so he took his liberty of escaping the house. He walked, tip-toeing around the house to avoid waking Andrew up. He couldn't take another argument with the latter. What happened earlier that day was enough for him and he didn't want any further drama.

He hate to admit it but that boy already held a special place in his heart. Yes, he knew that they still don't know each other that well. But something is really special with him, Jason thought. If not, then Jason wouldn't agree on the vacation and everything.

Jason have had already gone outside and was starting to walk to the city proper. He could take the first Ilocos to Manila trip anytime, he just wanted to escape.

The wind was blowing his hair, he had a back pack strapped in one of his shoulders and he was just wearing a hoodie, a pair of pants and sneakers. It was cold yet he didn't find it disturbing.... he was accustomed to the cold.

His lips was shivering yet his body felt numb.

He made sure to walk on the sidewalks for he knew that the vehicles are moving fast at this hour, assuming that there will be no passers-by walking around the street.

Well, who on earth would walk on the streets at midnight?

Jason would. Just for his great escape.

''Too good to be true, Jason,'' he whispered.

Funny how he was starting to become happy because of Andrew and everything. Funnier, he believed.

''Dare to believe, my ass,'' he said again, then saw an empty can of Coca-Cola on the ground.

Frustrated of everything, he kicked the can and set it flying. He was just like the can, empty and useless and is supposed to be thrown away.

He destroyed yet another friendship. He destroyed his happiness again.

That was him, he was a storm in a quiet sea. A glitch in the system. An accident waiting to happen. A walking disaster.

He once thought that he had black magic or something. A curse that will let everything die upon contact with him, upon interaction with him.

A virus. He thought of himself as a virus that would contaminate anyone in contact.

His soul jet black and everyone that would dare to touch would probably die.

Andrew caught his virus, the guy was already contaminated because of him.

And he hated that, he hated himself for letting Andrew... or anyone be inclined with him.

He was pretty sure that time, Andrew was already cursing his existence. He was already despising him, he was already sorry for meeting him.

The tears on his eyes started to well up. Frustration and anger made him oblivious to what's around him. He didn't care if someone see him crying that time. He was too broken to care for what other people will think.

He just wanted to cry everything. how shitty it is when he was already starting to grasp life, everything came out of hand.

The tighter you hold onto your life, the easier that will slip from grasp.

It was dark and it was hard for him to see, not to mention tears were blocking his eyes. He was so caught up of his crying that he was oblivious of his surroundings.

He was unaware of the leaves on the trees that was being blown by the wind. He didn't care about how cold it was or how starry the sky was. He was even oblivious of the incoming car on his way.

He was about to cross the street still unaware of the car running at a hundred and twenty kilometres per hour towards him.

When he looked to its direction, everything dawned to him.

He was already at the end of the line.

His whole life flashed before his eyes; he saw his younger version, he saw his mom, his siblings, his dad, his first day at school, the day his mom died, the day he chose to stop living and continue by just not dying. His whole life played in his mind. Just like a 6-minute high definition movie.

The end. He thought.

then it happened. the cry of the screeching tires. the noise from the horn. The flashing lights. A force from his back. Then... pitch black.

He heard a door close, then he opened his eyes. He wasn't dead. Of what reason, he didn't know.

He didn't know how he survived.

He was sure that he should be fatally injured by the accident, but somehow he is far from when he should be lying down.

He did not want to believe what he was seeing. The worried face of the driver, the number of people around him. He did not want to believe that he was seeing Andrew, lying on the road... lifeless.

The world stopped for Jason.

Andrew saved him even though he, himself didn't want to save his own life.

Jason was dizzy. Because of the accident or the aftermath of it, he was not certain. He lost track of the things happening around him.

He just found himself on the chapel of a hospital, on his knees praying that someone will save Andrew for him.

For the first time in a long time, he was praying to god. The last he did that was when his mom died.

The tears he was shedding back then were the same tears he was shedding that time. Memories came back rushing like waves on the shore.

''Mom, will you survive?'' asked Amanda, Jason youngest sister.

''Of course sweetie,'' his mom replied trying her best to give the little girl a reassuring smile.

Jason heaved a sigh. He knew what was about to happen, a heart bypass operation isn't that simple.

''What will the doctors do to you mommy?'' The ten-years-old girl asked their mother.

''They will just put a tube in my heart so I can live happily again, dear.''

''Will that be painful?''

''A little.. but what is a little pain compared to the happiness that I'll have with my family around?'' his mom smiled.

Jason knew better. It was sixty forty ratio of death and life.

his mom smiled at him before the nurses pushed he bed towards the operation room.

He just went inside the chapel of the hospital that time. Believing in god... believing that some kind of superior being will help his mom survive the operation.

But the superior being did not help her mom.. or him.

The same tears he shed when his mother died.. was the same tears he shed that night, when Andrew died.

Andrew. Someone who believed he can be what he should be even though he couldn't do so himself.

A friend.

He took him for granted.

The person who became a light to his world is now gone. Jason, couldn't feel a thing.

''There is no god after all,'' emotionless, he said.