Dare To Believe

chapter 10

Sometimes what is real is something people cannot see, and Jason believed in that for so long.

He pretended to be just fine even though things were already rough.

It was their fourth day on their Ilocos vacation and Jason was happy that Andrew never stopped talking to him about random things. Jason was just nodding and shaking his head as his response and he was really surprised how Andrew never runs out of topic to talk about.

''Why are you doing all of these, Andrew?'' Jason asked one night when they were on the veranda of the cabin and were staring at the stars on the sky.

''What do you mean? he looked at him, face filled with confusion.

''These,'' he made a hand gesture, ''All of these; talking to me, making me feel special...''

He smiled, ''I just want to, Jason''

''There's always a reason behind everything, and I am sure you have a reason why you're all goody shoes right now,'' he sad, voice laced with sarcasm. The sarcasm on his voice wasn't international, it was his sub-conscious talking again.

Jason didn't answer for a while, he sighed, ''This is my purpose in life, Jason,'' he muttered.

Jason, once again, had no idea if Andrew was talking figuratively or literally so he just stared at his face waiting for him to continue what he was saying.

''I've been a medium for someone to forget their past.''

those words were just words, but Jason felt his heart broke upon hearing them. The way Andrew said that in passive - almost emotionless-voice sent chills to his spine.

''So you mean to say that I am just using you to forget about my past?'' Jason asked and he receive a nod from Andrew as a response, ''Bullshit,'' he muttered.

''That's not what I meant, Jason,'' he turned his face to him, ''You didn't ask for this... I volunteered to help you.''

''What for.'' Jason couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice, ''To save me from what? Nobody can save because the main problem is me.''

He already accepted the fact that nobody can help him for he doesn't need help al all, or so he thinks.

He was ready to be what he is now and continue to live life that for god knows how long. Just Jason.

''I still see hope inside you, Jason. you are just a case of a lost soul that needs direction,'' he said.

''So what are you now, a paranormal expert who can talk to souls just because you want to save them or give them a bible or pray for them?'' he was angry, really angry. He could feel his blood boiling from his veins. ''Fuck off Andrew.''

''I just want to help, Jason''

''Who said I need your help?''

both of them are in the situation that Jason was afraid they would end up to. He was afraid that they will end up like this, he was too accustomed to Andrew presence to the point that he really became too attached.

What he was really scared of was the fact that he once again let other people come closer to him and let them drown in his presence.

Drowned because of his uncontainable shits. Drowned because of his deep cuts. Drowned because of his everything.

And he hated himself for that.

''I am not prim, don't be my Katniss,'' he hissed, glaring at Andrew.

Andrew eyes were fixed on the ground, and Jason wasn't sure if he saw him crying or it was just because of his own tears that he saw Andrew weeping.

He confirmed that when Andrew held his head high and looked straight to his eyes.

Jason could see the sadness in his eyes, the pain and the agony. He never knew a pair of dark orbs could hold that much of emotion at once.

His thoughts were shrouded as well as his mind was clouded with. Everything was hazy... all he could remember was the feeling of Andrew lips on his.

Jason eyes were wide open unlike to Andrew. He was shocked at what was happening and he didn't want to believe it.

Then he heard a slap. It was his right hand to Andrew left cheek.

''Fuck you,'' he muttered then ran inside the cabin, to his room and locked the door.

Jason cried his eyes out that right. If he could just take a bus and go back to the city, he would do that. But he can't, and he's stuck with Andrew for three more days.

He hated commitments and strings, he feel suffocated... and Andrew stepped outside of the lines and went overboard.

He went under the sheets of his bed and covered himself up to his head.

He heard a series of knocks on his door, it was Andrew and he was asking him to open the door. He wanted to open the door, to save their friendship... but he was too scared.

He might just add fuel to the burning flame.

He might just put salt in the open wounds.

He might just hurt Andrew's feeling.

He might ... ruin everything more.

And he didn't want to.