Dare To Believe

chapter 5

Jason was really thankful when he found out that he wont be sleeping on the same bed as Andrew. He wanted to be reserved as much as possible.

The place they were staying was a nice cabin in a beachfront resort, he can see the crashing waves of the seas from the window pane, he can even hear the roaring sound of them, and he can also smell the fresh breeze.

"You like this place?" Andrew asked him, which he answered with a nod. He wasn't lying, he really liked the place, he even loved it.

"Thats good to hear," he breathed a sigh of relief, "so, shall we go swimming?"

Jason was sure his eyes twinkled when he heard the word "swimming". It was his first time to he in the ocean and it was  first time to be able to swim in the open sea.

"SURE!" He exclaimed then ran towards his room, and change his clothes. He heard Andrew laugh while he was rushing towards his bedroom.

He opened his luggage and looked for something to wear for the swim. He saw a dry fit shirt, but immediately went returning it inside his bag. There was no way he would let Andrew see the scars on his wrists.

He sat down on the bed, thinking of a way to solve his not-so-problem.

"I trust him enough", he said, then wore the shirt.

He had no idea why he was already breaking down his walls for A. Maybe because he felt that Andrew means no harm to him.

It was a good thing that it was bright and sunny, Jason could see a little bit clearer than the usual. When he got out of the room, Andrew was nowhere to be found. He guessed that he was already outside and was starting to swim.

He rushed outside and saw Andrew on the seashore, it was only his back that he can see but he was sure it was him.

"Andrew!" He called, then sat down behind him. He was hiding his hand at his back, not that he was afraid for Andrew to see his scars.. he was just shy.

He smiled at him, "We really are getting progress! You called me by my first name already!"

Jason made a face, "as if that is of a big deal"

"Hey, hey, hey," Andrew sat up straight then look at his eyes, "you think I haven't noticed that you are going all sarcastic on me?"

He pretended to be shocked, ''what? am I being sarcastic? god, I didn't know, sorry.'' he even covered his mouth with one of his hands to strengthen the ''shocked'' drama he was playing with.

"Whatever!" Andrew stood up, "lets go for a swim!" He grabbed him by his wrists then pulled him up.

Jason was sure that Andrew felt the keloids of his scars when he wrapped his hand around his wrists.

''what happened to your wrists?'' he asked, Jason was right, he did feel the scars.

''Nothing, just tried to hurt myself to see if I'm still able to feel,'' he said, voice cold.

''How are you still alive?'' he said, The wounds from these scars would've killed you.''

He was looking at him with deep intensity, his eyes were fixed on his and he dared not to break the eye contact. What is living, really? Jason asked that question a couple of time already, and by ''couple of times,'' he meant every morning when he had to wake up in the morning. It already became a rhetorical question for him.

"What makes you think I'm still alive?" He asked Andrew, he was really unsure if what he's into is life.. or just living.

"You are alive, I can touch you" Andrew tightened the grip he was holding on to his wrist, "...and I can feel your breathing. You are alive" he smiled, as if he was reassuring him that everything was fine and will be alright at the end of the day.

Smiling, a kind of smile that didn't reach his eyes he shook his head, "no, Im not alive. This is life I'm living? I don't think so, i think its just being not dead"

The smile on Andrew lips was erased because of what he said. It was replaced with a neutral thin line on his lips, the first time Jason saw his straight and serious face.

"Lets just swim!" Jason said dismissively, then tried to release his hands from the grip of Andrew, but the latter didn't budge.

"You are alive, Jason. Trust me!" He smiled once again, "come on, lets go swimming!" He exclaimed.

Jason was surprised that he did not let go of one of his hands. They walked toward the crashing waves of the seashore, it was relaxing to have the wave wash their feet.

Andrew really had something inside him that Jason felt secured with. Its as if he knew the guy for a long time to extent that he was willing to let him hold his hand while they emerge deeper and deeper to the sea.