The Fault in Our Tumblr

We Ride... At Dawn ~ Excerpt from "The Expense of Catnip"

Story One ~ We Ride...At Dawn

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It was five minutes after dawn. Of course, he was late. He was always late. I picked up my glass of milk and took a drink, enjoying the coldness of the diary. I loved milk. It was nearly all that I lived for. Well, that and occasional helpings of tuna. My tastes were very distinctive.

As I took one last glance at the clock before getting up to try and call him, there was a knock at the door. I moved from the table, slowly heading for the door. The knock came again, but I was going to let him wait. He had made me wait, so I was going to do the same to him.

Casually, I turned the doorknob, opening the door at a slow pace. "Hello, Ivan." I said with a bit of distaste in my mouth.

"Jareth, I'm terribly sorry old chap. I got caught up at Moonbucks. The line was worse than that time we tried to get Batman Dark Knight on Blue-Ray during Black Friday." Ivan shivered, his long, golden hair shaking with him.

A frown crept across my whiskery face. "Ivan, how many times have I told you that Moonbucks is just an overpriced coffee and bagel establishment? It's not worth the sacrifice."

"But their white chocolate peppermint mocha is so addictive!"

"It's the cocaine. That's the white part, you idiot!" I hissed.

Ivan nodded, sniffling slightly. "I know...I have a problem."

We both sighed, and I ushered him in. "Come on then. You're now eight minutes late for our ride at dawn, so I'll have to brief you while I get my things around."

Ivan trotted inside, his head lowered as he refused to make eye contact with me. I could tell he was upset that I was upset with him. But when you're constantly late for plans at dawn it gets kind of annoying. In fact...do you know what really grinds my gears? When you want to ride at dawn and the person that you're riding doesn't show up on time. That really grinds my gears.

Anyway! Ivan and I made our way back to my weapons room, all the while I began discussing the plans.

"So, you remember Princess Kiwi?" I asked.

"You mean the cheap imitation Princess Peach?" Ivan replied.

I turned to look at him with a confused look on my face. "No...no that's Princess Daisy from Super Mario Bros. W-What are you even talking about? I'm referring to Princess Kiwi the princess of the Fungus Kingdom."

Ivan shivered again. "Oh gross...fungus."

"Hey, the people their are nice. They have some really...fungies, if you know what I mean." I winked at him and chuckled a little.

"I don't get it." He said, tilting his head to one side.

A long sigh proceeded from my mouth followed by a facepalm. Ivan was a great guy, but honestly he was really stupid. "Just forget about it, buddy. The point is, Princess Kiwi called me late last night, and --"

"Ooh! Jareth and Kiwi sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S...er...E-N-J...maybe...."

"Ivan, right now...you need to just shut up. Okay?" I said, grabbing my golden desert eagle handgun from the shelf and putting it in my belt. "Like I was saying, Princess Kiwi called me last night and said that her army of Fungi were preparing for an attack. She sounded pretty serious."

Ivan nodded as if he understood what I was saying, but something in his swirling hypnotic eyes told me he hadn't caught a word I said. I shook my head and grabbed my red fighter bandana and tied it around my forehead.