The Fault in Our Tumblr

Chapter Five

When I woke up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy, nah just kidding that's so 2010. But when I really woke up, I found all three of Mouser's adventurous tales strewn about me and drool falling from the corner of my mouth. I was starting to think I had an excessive drool problem.

Never the less, I stretched, finding my neck and back stiff. How long had I stayed up reading? Two in the morning? It was possible. I had finished the first and second book and had gotten three-fourths of the way through the third book before passing out if I remembered correctly. Ishmael was right when he claimed there to be cherry filling though. There was a lot of that.

The Expense of Catnip was "An exotic thriller", written about the life of a government funded genetically engineered cat named Jareth Mouser. Spoiler alert: The expense of catnip is the cherry filling of poptart cats, aka Nyan cats to most of the YouTube community. Anyway, it is about two-hundred ninety pages of pure action packed, poptart-filling flying, cat nonsensical, unicorn induced absurdity. I loved it. Not as much as I loved A Feline Infliction, but I loved it none the less.

I felt the need to watch Saturday morning cartoons overcome me as I sat thinking about the adventures of Mouser and the absurd, cartoonish comedy that went with it. It wasn't a regular occurrence that I watched cartoons in the early mornings, but every now and then I enjoyed the ridiculous slap-stick comedy that old 90s and early 2000s cartoons had to offer. I collected all of Chadwick Buttersnap's beautiful creations and sat them beside my bedside table before making my way casually downstairs.

Neither my mom nor my dad were up, so it was just me, Netflix, the remote, and some good old Dexter's Laboratory. Good stuff. I had just happened to bring my phone downstairs with me, and when I looked I found a somewhat exasperated text from Ashton on my screen.

ASHTON : For the love of fat gray Persian cats dressed up like 18th century gentleman, tell me that I'm missing the last couple pages! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! THE COPS AND THE FAT CAT OUT THE WINDOW AND...AND...*le table flip*

ME : Sorry to destroy your hopes and dreams but that is where it ends. There is no more AFI. Patrice ended the book there, that is the mystery of it. Also, she doesn't write anymore...at least I don't think. She hasn't written anything in years. No fan mail, no sequel, no short stories. :/ Kind of a bummer.

ASHTON : One does not simply leave a book at such an ultimate cliff hanger and never write a sequel let alone a single piece of fan mail! What gives? Did she die or something? O_o Did she get abducted by slimy green goo globs from some distant planet? Or! Or, did she move to Persia and become a world famous rug maker? Huh? I'm sorry, I'm just really depressed now. This is a complete bummer. :*(

ME : I know, it sucks. :/ I've written her a few times, but she never replied. Even if she just said she wasn't dead that would be enough for me. But yeah. It's been years now. But what are you going to do about it? Btw, I read The Expense of Catnip, Meow Dawns, and got three-fourths of the way through The Lament of Mouser. 

ASHTON : I won't stand for it! NO ONE MAKES A BULLCRAP CLIFF HANGER ENDING LIKE THAT AND EXPECTS ASHTON CATSUP TO ACCEPT IT! NO ONE! But...what did you think about the books?! I must know! TELL ME! TELL ME ALL YOUR DEEPEST THOUGHTS!

ME : They were good! Like, really good! So much cherry filling flying everywhere and then the crazy government experimental cat genetics. Lol it was pretty awesome! Chadwick did a hell of a good job.

ASHTON : DAMN RIGHT HE DID! I want to meet him. Share my dreams and appreciations with him. O_O Mmmm, yes. That would be lovely. But...I have an idea now. I gotta get going though, so I'll inform you a little later. Saturday is a busy day for me usually, this one is no exception. So laters!