Playing The Player's Game (Book 1 In The Player Series)

Eight Months Later

I feel like im finally becoming me again. I no longer feel like the stranger inside. Im not the same and i don't feel like ill ever be the same but I'm not broken anymore. Im happy. I laugh and smile more. Im ready for the future and im not looking back. Ill always remember where I came from and the roots that hold me there but im ready to see what God has for me and my life. It has been nine months since I have felt even remotely close to myself and im thankful I finally do again. Love is a crazy, foolish, hurtful, thing that is amazingly beautiful. But we all love at some point. And its then we need to savor it because it won't be there forever. It is gone as quick as it comes. But it is so darn worth it. And to even have had it and lost it, I am lucky. I am lucky to have felt that feeling of without a doubt absolutely loving a guy. It's scary and frightening but so worth it. I would do it over and over and over again even if I got my heart broken every single time because love-feeling that type of love- is one of the best feelings in the world, even if it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. Slade and I had this beautiful love and we let it get away and while I still love him i know we aren't right for one another. But I have to go home to visit for a least a week. Todd is still waiting for me and he said he would always wait for me but I don't believe him. I believed Slade and what did that do? Make me hopelessly in love with him. Todd is coming with me. We're road tripping the whole way there and back. Whenever we choose to come back. If I choose to come back. I'm still not decided but I will be soon. I just want to give it another shot back home before I decide to stay here in California with Todd for a while longer. I hope that things with Slade and I work out. I really do.

Todd pushed the last suitcase into the truck as we climbed into the little three seater. I waved goodbye to uncle Jesse, Todd's parents, and his sister before we set off on a long drive. "Want some junk food or a soda or something?" I asked as he shook his head. "Nervous or something?" He shrugged. "Maybe. I mean it is your family." "They'll love you." "And Slade." He added as I nodded. "Well yeah. And Slade." "Pointers?" He questioned as I shrugged. "When I knew him he was unpredictable." "When you knew him?" "Yeah you know that quote 'Someone asked me if I knew you, a million memories flashed through my mind, but I just smiled and said i used to' by Wiz Khalifa. Its true. I used to know him but I don't really know him anymore. We've had distance between us and during that distance I am sure we have both changed. I know I have. All the lies and the hurt that we caused one another was painful and while in our own twisted ways we loved one another, it just wasn't enough. I am afraid it won't ever be enough." I smiled out the window as we finally made our way onto the highway or interstate. Or whatever you call that thing. He gripped my hand in his and squeezed. "You're an amazing girl. And to hear you speak so highly of him after all he has done to you is amazing. You are so kind and caring and humble and loving. Your past is that. Just your past. Look ahead where you are headed and you'll do great things." He said as I smiled sadly. "But I also did a lot to him too." "I know but you said you were sorry, you made your peace and you've moved on. You have changed since I first saw you on that beach. After all we have talked and laid awake watching stars I started to slowly see the changes in you. You aren't that shattered girl you were when I met you. You picked up all those pieces and glued back together to make something so much more beautiful than you started out with." "Did you know about everything?" He sighed as I nodded figuring he knew more than I told him. "Your uncle told me first. Then you were talking a little in your sleep. Your brother and Slade also told me a little and Ace kinda touched on it too. But they told me to ask for your side of the story. They didn't want to tell me the whole truth before you were ready." I nodded and looked out the window. It was about time I told someone. And I trusted Todd more than I have ever trusted someone.

"I was three when it all started. The secret gambling and the evening drinking. Jordan was almost five then and Jeremiah was close to seven. We were three peas and a pod with Slade tagging along. Ace was the neighborhood kid who was hopelessly in love with me. He followed me like a lost puppy from the age of ten until well we are best friends now. When I was eight Jeremiah, Jordan, Slade, and I were all running down the road like we always did when a car came flying by. Jeremiah the oldest immediately pushed us out the way. But it was too late. It was my mom. She had just gotten the call that her dad was dying. She hit Jeremiah. She couldn't live with herself so when the one year anniversary hit we all though she would kill herself but cancer killed her before she could. My dad had started drinking then, after Jeremiah died, and the gambling started again. About six months after mom's death and year and a half after Jeremiah's I was home alone when some guy knocked on the door. Well I never answered  the door when I was by myself so I stayed on my bed and for some reason my dad had walked out the back door that morning and said he would be back soon. I heard the back door squeak realizing I had left it unlocked accidently. So I thought maybe dad was knocking on the door testing me like he did every now and then. Then I saw a man in black coming around. I immediately began panicking you know? Well one came through the back and another grabbed me from behind and they had guns. I freaked. I was fifteen. Never held a little handgun, my family and family friends were more of shotgun people but I knew those little handguns were pretty bad too. They held me at gunpoint for twelve minutes. It felt like the longest twelve minutes of my life just staring down the barrel of that gun that was held by a person who determined if I lived or died in a split second thought. And he didn't care. I was no use to him. I was just collateral. When my dad came, they killed him immediately and they were going to kill me but the police showed up. It was the only good thing my father ever did after Jeremiah died. He alerted the police that I was being held by some guys he owed money to. Uncle Jesse made it first and took two of the guys out well killed them. The third tried running but he didn't get far. He isn't supposed to get out of jail until im ninety years old. By then he will be long dead. I had nightmares for a really long time. And I haven't told anyone since it happened." I sighed as he squeezed my hand in his before pulling me closer so I was now in the middle seat as he wrapped one arm around me and kept the other on the steering wheel. "See you have been through so much and here you are a survivor in it all."