"사랑해줄 거라며 다 뭐야 "
dear ha yoon,
yes, i remember how i felt so relieved when our school principal let that incident slide. i was so anxious about it. i didn't want my parents to get called because of something so malicious. i'm glad that everything turned out okay. afterall, it's just an accident, right?
"it's okay now," you said, calmly. i couldn't understand why you we're so alright the whole time the principal was talking to us. it didn't seem like a big deal to you as much as it was to me.
"if you didn't snatch my notebook, then this wouldn't happen!" i said, not being able to control my words and my emotions.
you were taken back. "well, if you didn't try to take it away from me, then you wouldn't have fell!"
i was more taken back about what you said. i would've let this incident slide but there is no way i'm losing in this argument. "if just minded your own business and didn't try to interfere with my life, none of this would happen in the first place!"
there was a short silence between the two of us. i just realized that what i said was a little mean and rude, but you already apologized before i did. you asked me why i was so ashamed of showing my works to other people. you just didn't get me.
all my works are based on my feelings...my experiences. i don't mean them to sound or look good, i'm just expressing myself. and if i ever do something, i'm never confident about it.
"why do you care? why do you even wanna see all of these anyway?" i asked with a hint of irritation in my voice.
"i just wanna be friends with you, that's all." you answered.
a part of me melted. i don't know where, and why, but it happened when i felt the sincerity in your voice. no one has ever said anything like that to me before.
i took you back under the cherry blossom and sat there by your side.
"here, you can read them if you want." i said, trying to sound nice as much as possible.
your eyes light up as you looked at me and smiled. you opened my notebook and carefully read everything written in there. i admit, i was a little nervous about what you'd think about them, or if you're ever gonna judge me after everything you know after reading my own thoughts. but somehow, it felt comfortable with you. everything was fine and i felt relieved.
we even finished a whole song that time. our ideas, feelings, and thoughts were combined together in that one masterpiece and i liked it.
"don't tell that to anyone." i said as we stood up when the school bell rang.
"about what?"
"about this. about the songs, about the lyrics. everything that you found out, don't tell anyone about it. keep it as our little secret." i looked at you in the eyes.
"one condition." you said, smiling.
"what is it?"
you reached out your right hand, "let's be friends."
i paused, staring at your hand. i was so nervous. this is the first time i'm actually making a friend. and this is also the first time i'm gonna hold a girl's hand (except for my mother). i repeat, a GIRL's hand. like, an actual girl. an actual hand. AN ACTUAL HUMAN.
i tried my best to keep my cool and reached back for your hand.
"friends." i smiled.
god, my heart was beating so fast it felt like it was gonna come out of my chest.
love,
jungkook
