Kindergarten Takedown

BFUYLMTTTW

The silence woke me.

Sorry. I guess I should go back a little, huh?

This is the story of a girl that put all her time and energy in work and none in her actual life. She thought all she needed was money- not joy, kindness, or love. She pushed away her family, but when push came to shove- wow that made me sound like Dr. Seuss- she thought it was worth it. She had to pick between her job and her mother. So she picked her job. Everyone else had left her, so she went without friendship and connections. It was not a good way of living, which is why it ended.

This is the story of a girl that was. This is the story of how I destroyed her. This is my story.

My name is Grace Ashton Stewart, but I go by Ash. I grew up in a small town in a small state called Fayetteville, Arkansas. My life was pretty fun and enjoyable until a few years ago. That's when my friends started to leave. It got really bad last year, when all of my BFFs became BFUYLMTTTW: Best Friends Until You Leave Me To Travel The World. When East moved, it was this feeling of lost, but not forgotten. When Alice moved, it was a feeling of lost. When Lil moved, it was a feeling of dead inside. I then lost contact with my mom and became a new woman.  A woman of work and hatred. I feared to trust another soul. I didn't let myself get close enough to get hurt again. I couldn't. I wouldn't allow myself to feel anything but a need to work. What I didn't realize is that when I stopped myself from getting hurt, I hurt others. But, I mean, can you blame me?

I was abandoned before I knew it. My parents put me up for closed adoption before I was even born, promising their first born to the doctor that could save my father's life, much like in a fairy tail. The only difference: it doesn't look like I'll be getting a happy ending anytime soon. My mom was always working at the hospital and wasn't married, so I was left alone a lot. I had a babysitter until I was old enough to take care of myself and my mom had a terrible boyfriend for a few years that was always either passed out or hitting me, but that was it. I became good friends with the neighboring children, talking to each of them through our windows at home.

There was Billy, Joe, and Tom. Sam, Joleen, and Martha. But my favorite of the children was Lilian. She always would sing to me and tell me stories. When I had a nightmare, she would sooth me back to sleep with her beautiful voice and rational thinking, reminding me that she would never let anything happen to me. She was my first real friend. I could always go to her when I had a problem and she would be quick to answer with a solution that would always work. I would repay the favor, but Lil could always beat me at the game. We went to school together, too, so it was very reassuring that I would have my Lil Bug every step of the way. It was awesome having her in my life. Was.

The next kiddo I met was a shy little one- just kidding! She had no ounce of shyness, just boldness. Her name was Alice, or Al. Her parents let her dye her hair and get piercings when ever she wanted once she turned fourteen. Alice also rocked a pixie cut and walked into kindergarten wearing light-up shoes! Trust me, that was pretty swag for a five year old. Her drawings were beautiful and her paintings of feelings were even better. There was a new person at her lunch table every day. She was the definition of cool. I mean, Lil and I weren't exactly lame, but we weren't exactly popular either. Who am I kidding? I had three friends. Alice, although, had the school bowing at her feet. So, when she became friends with me, I had a large handful of people bowing at my feet. It was really cool!! Was.

My next friend I made was in 5th grade. His name was Easton. He had hair that stuck out like Gaston's chest and the mind of Einstein. Not to mention that he was the QB of our school's football team. And he was the kindest man alive. I always thought he was my guardian angel. Nice, kind, protecting, warm hearted. I feel like if I had to live in a place where I never met him, I would be dead.

He guided me out of the hardest time in my life. I was broken, defeated. The mid-night demons had gained control and were not willing to let go anytime soon. I wanted to end it. I wanted to end me. But East wouldn't have any of that. He would skip some football practices to make sure I would be okay to come back home to my mother's drunken boyfriend, for his fists to find my body, taken his anger out on me for his twisted pleasures. East would help me. Help me talk about it. Help me get help. Help me heal. He would put me as a priority, making sure I was happy before checking if he even ate today. It was kinda like having dad. Was.

There was also my mother. I have no idea how many times that she's told me that's she's sorry I could not be like the other kids. That I never got a dad. That I had no siblings. That I was adopted. That I was never able to live like the other kids.

If only I managed to let her know that I didn't want to be like the other kids. I didn't care I didn't have a dad. That I didn't have any siblings. That I would never be like the other kids. And the fact that I'm adopted only made me cooler! If I could go back and tell her that all of it was perfectly fine, then maybe I'd still be talking to her.

Me and my mom lost connection a few months ago. We never really saw eye-to-eye and, after a while of fighting? Stopped talking to each other completely. And it's all my fault! I was working myself to hard and then took the stress out on her. And after she yelled at me and said that my friends left because of me, I walked out of her house and stopped talking to her. I ignored the phone calls and texts, locked the door when she tried to stop by, and stomped on her name. I wish I could go back in time and show her that I did truly care. That I was just stressed and I didn't mean all the horrible things I said. But it's to late now.

Alright, so before I start crying, let's get this story started.