Called It

Chapter 8

Penny

"Look, Pen," Simon says, "I don't want to be that guy but is everything okay with you and Micah?"

"Simon, could you focus on driving instead of my love life?"

"I am focusing on driving. I'm also asking about your love life. Micah's my friend, and you're my best friend. I'm sorry if I upset you."

I sigh. "Look, everything is fine between Micah and I. It's just... It's hard to talk to him in real life. I mean, we text all the time, and we face time, but when we're actually together, I don't know."

Simon glances over at me. He has concern splayed all over his face. He looks like a golden retriever that lost its ball.

"Don't look at me like that," I say. "Don't give me the pity look. Please."

"I'm not!" Simon exclaims.

"You are! Look, just because you and Baz are as close as ever, doesn't mean I don't love Micah."

Simon looks at me. "Does Micah know that?"

"Know what? Go, the light's green."

"Know that you love him."

"I-" I falter. Does Micah know that I love him? Have I ever actually told him that?

"I mean, you've told him that, right?"

"I think so..."

"Penny, how could you not know if you told your boyfriend you love him? It's like one of the most important things in a relationship. It goes 1. First Date, 2. First Kiss, 3. First I Love You, 4. Move in together, 5. Proposal. HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW?"

"Hold on. Let me check my texts. I must have said it at least once." I pull out my phone and search the words "I love you". Agatha, Simon, my parents, but no Micah. I tried "love u", Agatha, Baz, Simon, my parents, a number I don't have a contact for. I tried just "love". Finally, I see Micah's contact pop up. I scroll through, looking at the highlighted messages.

"Penny?"

I start to read them aloud. "'I love this movie', with a screenshot from The Road to El Dorado. 'I love your mom, she's the best', with a picture of a gift basket from his mom. 'I love puppies', in response to a question about a dog. 'The word love is so weird. Lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove. So is ladle', just randomly. There was no context to that last one. Simon, I've never told him I love him." I start to cry.

"Penny, this is just the shock talking. I'm sorry I ever brought it up."

"No, no, you were right. The man I'm in love with doesn't even know I love him. How fucked up is that?" I'm sobbing now. Simon looks over at me, then pulls into a petrol station.

"Look, I hate to stop the car because we really need to get you to Dr. Wellbelove, but you should really try to calm down. We don't need him to pull in a psychiatrist, as well."

I take a deep breath. "You're right. Um, I'm gonna go fix my makeup."

"Penny, I don't know if you've forgotten, but your fucking leg is broken. There are some makeup wipes in the console. We've still got ten minutes. I'll call him and let him know we're coming."

Simon takes out his phone and dials Dr. Wellbelove, then pulls back onto the road. After he hangs up, we sit in silence. I think about calling Micah, but I would rather Simon didn't hear what I have to say. It would be the kind of thing I'll never live down, to say the least. I tried to text him, but I restarted 12 different times. Was it always this hard? It's not like I've never texted him before.