I can't help smiling while seeing that woman sitting alone in the football bleachers. Tinatangay ng hangin ang mahaba, maalon at mala tsokolate nitong buhok. Hindi maipagkakaila ang kagandahan ng babae sa kabila ng pagiging simple nito.
When i first saw her, I was really mesmerized by her beauty. Sino ba namang hindi? Ngiti pa lang niya, nakakawala na sa sarili. Mukha talaga siyang anghel. But in her every smile, I can see that she's in pain. She's fragile and vulnerable inside. But she's hiding it. If i could just do something to ease her pain. I'll do anything just to see her happy.
She's one in a million. Ang hirap ng humanap ng isang babaeng katulad niya. He's really a lucky bastard! I took a deep breath. Hindi ko alam pero natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili kong lumalapit sa kanya. She's busy writing something kaya mukhang hindi ako napansin nito.
"Need some company?" Pagkuha ko sa atensyon niya. She looked at me then smiled. Damn that face!
"Blue.." She closed the thick notebook then tap her side. "Sure. Sit here." I followed her.
I looked at the notebook on her lap. "What are you writing before i disturb you?" I'm really curious. Kanina parang nasa ibang mundo siya. I can see different emotions in her every action while she's writing.
She hold it then looked at me. "This? My diary. Since that da-.. uhm since I was 16 i started writing a diary. Why don't you try it? Hindi nakakabawas sa pagkalalaki kung magkakaroon ka rin nito. You know what? Nakakagaan sa kalooban kapag nailalabas ko ang mga saloobin at hinaing ko sa buhay using this. Sometimes, it is better to keep your feelings in yourself than to share it with others.. because at the end of the day ikaw lang ang makakatulong sa sarili mo. This diary is very important to me.. pinapaalala kasi sa akin nito how strong I am, still standing despite of all the heartaches that is coming to my life. Na kung nakaya ko noon, mas kakayanin ko ngayon." She smiled.
And I thought, this girl is really unbelievable!
'Di ko na napigilang itanong, "Paano mo nagagawang ngumiti at ipakita na masaya ka sa kabila ng totoong nararamdaman mo?"
"Simple lang. Because Idon't want to show to everyone that I'm hurting. I don't want to be loved by pity. For me, it is better to be loved by no one than to be loved because of sympathy."
"Don't you think you are hiding in a mask, showing you are happy though you're not?"
"Yeah, maybe. But what can I do? If that's the only way to find my real happiness?" She looked at the sky. "Ang gusto ko lang naman mahalin ako ng totoo.. at hindi dahil sa awa. I know I don't deserve to be happy, i meant to be suffer but I'm still hoping.. na sana.. kahit isa lang may taong magmahal sa akin, a person who will accept me and will never leave my side."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "What do you mean by that?" She don't deserve to be happy and meant to be suffer? Something's wrong.
Umiling siya. "Nothing." Though i really want to know, I still respect her privacy.
Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. "I'll tell you this, you deserve to be happy. You're a wonderful person, believe me. And you know, i'm just here. If you need someone, I'm just a call away."
"Thank you Blue. You're really a good friend of mine. Masaya ako dahil nakilala ko ang isang katulad mo." She smiled lightly. Can i ask you something?" Dagdag nito.
I nodded. "Sure. Spill it."
"Is it right to fight something even if you're not sure that 'that something' is worth fighting for?"
"There's nothing wrong in fighting. Though you are not sure if it is worth it, atleast you tried. It is better to fail than regret it. Regret for being so coward because you're too afraid to get hurt in the end."
