Desperate Measures

Chapter 15 - Interview

The Quibbler, Special Edition, Monday, December 23, 1996

Current Count of Suitors: 352

Harry Potter Begins Next Round of Testing!

Read the exclusive interview with our very own Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood!

Our third interview with Mr. Harry Potter covers his second round of testing, including a summary of the tests, their results, and the reasoning behind them. Passing suitors beware! Follow Mr. Potter's instructions by January 5th or be eliminated! Mr. Potter also offered additional information regarding his personal dreams, goals, and beliefs in an effort to help his remaining suitors decide whether to continue pursuing their courtship. Below you will find our conversation that took place at an unknown location the morning of Sunday, December 22nd.

LG:"Good morning, Harry. How are you doing today?"

HP:"I am well, thank you. Yourself?"

LG:"I'm excellent! Well, I'm sure you have last minute holiday things to do, so shall we start right in?"

HP:"I'd be happy to."

LG:"I see your meetings went well. You started with 1,029 and you just told me you were down to 352. That's another sixty percent!"

HP:"Yes. Most of the suitors I eliminated were because I didn't feel their magic was compatible enough with mine. Some were eliminated for personality traits that I didn't care for."

LG:"Like discourtesy? Is there any truth to the rumor that you eliminated suitors because they were rude to Madam Puddifoot?"

HP:"Yes, that's true."

LG:"Are the two of you such good friends that you took offense on her behalf?"

HP:"No. We're business associates, that's all, and I took advantage of her acting skills. It was actually one of my tests. The suitor would ask for me and she would tell them that their name wasn't on the list for the day. You see, I wanted to find out how my potential suitors responded to frustration; did they keep a cool head to try to work things out or did they vent their temper. If they were rude to Madam Puddifoot, whose fault it certainly wasn't that their name wasn't on the supposed list, I eliminated them. I don't want a mate who gets upset and obnoxious and rants and raves over something a few simple minutes of civil conversation could easily solve."

LG:"Ah, I see. And how many did you eliminate for...letting frustration win?"

HP:"An even 150 people were eliminated for being rude. I wasn't completely unreasonable, you know. The situation was meant to be frustrating so I didn't eliminate someone simply because they actually became frustrated. I only eliminated people who took their frustration out inappropriately. For instance, a number of people called Madam Puddifoot some rather rude names. How does that help anything? What kind of problem solving skills do you have if you resort to childish name-calling?"

LG:"So this particular test was also looking for problem solving ability?"

HP:"Yes. Let's face it, my life has some pretty unique challenges that anybody mated with me is going to also have to deal with. I don't need a mate whose first instinct in the face of an obstacle is to get belligerent instead of thinking."

LG:"I suppose it would also help in those inevitable married arguments."

HP:(laugh) "Yes, I suppose it would. A nice benefit, I agree."

LG:"So, let's see, subtract 150 from 1,029 and you get...879 suitors left. Still a lot to go."

HP:"Well, like I said, most were eliminated for magic incompatibility. And before you ask, the total for that was 397."