Let Me Be The Wallpaper That Papers Up Your Room

CHAPTER1

"Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here at the elite university Oxbridge University. The Oxbridge Host Club is where the school's handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Oxbridge University's elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful." Tamaki brushed his dark brown hair out of his brown eyes as he gazed at himself in the mirror.

"What?" Tamaki turned towards the speaker, a young man with bright blond hair and dazzling blue eyes in a blue suit. "Why are explaining this to me? I go to the same school as you; I have been for a year."

"I know, I just thought I'd let the wonderful viewers know about my esteemed school and how someone as lovely as moi, the King, got into this terrible predicament with you, a commoner."

"Listen," Dazai muttered crossly. "You can't say such weird things in my body. You'll spoil it!"

"But I guess they're wondering what happened exactly," Tamaki carried on, ignoring the older male. "You see it all happened a long time ago, about an hour I think. This commoner, Dazai, thought it would be fun to make fun of the President of the Black Magic club, Nekozawa, and his Curse Doll. Everyone knows he can't go out in direct sunlight, and yet you decided to shine a light right into his face, risking the lives of everyone in the room! I still remember when he cursed me before just for bumping into him! And now he has body switched us!"

"Honestly I was surprised that he was able to, considering my ability of No Longer Human. So it must be that he used some kind of magic that is not ability-related, similar to that beast Lovecraft. Perhaps he holds the key to defeating Fitzgerald." Dazai mused.

"But why was I caught up in all this?" Tamaki pouted.

"Nekozawa said that I, the smartest in the school, was to be switched with the stupidest as my punishment. Clearly he meant you."

Tamaki felt like he'd just been stabbed by a large arrow. He crawled away in into the corner, the epitome of despair, mushrooms sprouting from his back. "And apparently the curse can only be reversed by true love's kiss. That means I must kiss Haruhi! But is it right for a father to want to marry his daughter?"

"It is if you have a daddy kink," Dazai said flippantly. "But I think it'll be best if we pretend to be each other until we get this sorted out, for funsies you know?"

"Yes! Clearly this is a body switch AU, and I'm main character that must suffer in this commoner's body! But for now I must woo Haruchi whilst in this body, though with this face I'm not sure that's possible."

"Hey!" Dazai shouted. "My body is a temple, it is a piece of art."

"How dare you! I'm someone who is beautiful inside and out, which I why I made the Host Club so that my good looks arr in the open for every young lady to admire, it's a public service!"

"I'm leaving. I have better things to do then listen to a boi talk about women as if he understands how they work."

"I am a gentleman!' Tamaki shouted. "Hey get back here!" But it was too late, Dazai, in Tamaki's body, had already left the room.

-

Usopp's hand runs up Shu's thigh. He gasps. "Shu," he moans. "S-Shu-"

Shu the thirty-year-old virgin smirks. Finally, I will lose my virginity! he thinks. He presses Usopp further into Shank's wooden teaching table and leans over him, reaching for his lips with his own.

But there's a problem.

A dire problem.

Usopp's nose –

-is too large –

-for their lips to meet.

They both stop suddenly.

Usopp's nose caresses Shu's chin as he looks into his smokey smouldering eyes. His lips quiver, cheeks red with desire, as he gayzes at his object of affection. Shu's glasses are skewed on his nose as he looks down at the curly-haired astrology student.

He leans down towards the smaller student slowly and sensually caresses the tip of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Usopp's eyes flutter shut and he whimpers at the sexual sensation.

"You're so hot Usopp," he says with a smile. Usopp's lips part as he huffs out a breath.

The bell rings and both their head turn towards the door. Shu pulls away from Usopp. "I have to leave to clean classroom 8B," he says, falling into his janitorial position. Usopp has never heard anything hotter.