Marvel Stuff

I apologize

I'm so sorry I've been absent guys, I've been really trying to be active on here. I really wanted to start posting more, but I haven't been on any social media much honestly. I've been going through so much lately. It's been ongoing and I didn't realize just how much it got to me until pretty recently. It's a long story so I'll try to condense it. I had to quit my last job because things were horrible. I always felt singled out, nobody included me in anything and I was getting written up for things that I shouldn't have. I almost got fired once for a customer's wife messaging one of my bosses at the time and making a complaint about me and saying they would never go back. They misunderstood a facial expression I made and thought I was being rude. It was then I started thinking about quitting. I had been working there for over a year at that point and they would've fired me for one complaint? After all I did for that company, all my hard work. Things only started getting worse from there. My coworkers started talking to me behind my back because they didn't like how I did things. The sad thing is, I thought that I was pretty close to them. When I was hired, I was told everyone was like a family, that they always hung out outside of work. I was never included, I wasn't too broken up about it then cause I'd rather hang out with my family or have a Marvel movie marathon in all honesty I mean who wouldn't want to? Watching movies with my favorite actors always cheers me up, but thinking back on it, I can't believe I didn't see it. One coworker in particular kept making things difficult for me especially when she was promoted. I talked to my manger of the time a few times and nothing was fixed which eventually lead to my decision to quit.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't work somewhere that didn't try to take time to understand their employees. To understand and special circumstances with employees.
I learned that I need to be open about my circumstance with people, that I shouldn't be afraid of telling people. I mean, in nowadays people are more accepting. I learned I need to tell future employers in job interviews, and professors sometimes if something is difficult for me. I learned that I should tell my friends so they don't misunderstand anything I do for being rude because naturally, I can be very blunt. I can't help it. I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I don't know if I've ever seemed rude or blunt replying to comments or talking with anyone through PM, because sometimes I just don't know what to say so I keep answers short. I have Asperger's syndrome. (Just know this is very hard for me to say. I'm always afraid people will treat me differently and I don't want anyone to think of me differently or treat me differently because of this). It's a high functioning form of Autism. It affects my social skills and ability to read facial expressions, sarcasm, tone of voice and a few other things. I can also be very blunt with answers and my own facial expressions can be misunderstood. I also tend to obsess over things and talk about my obsessions over and over (them being Marvel and Supernatural at the moment)

I very much believe that at my work I was being discriminated against because of my disability. I never expected to be treated differently. In fact, that's the last thing I want. I'm just like everyone else, my brain just processes things differently and I do some things differently. With this experience I learned even more so I should not be afraid or ashamed of my disability. It makes me who I am and I am proud of it. It has helped me become the person I am today. I am a hard worker. I always try my best in everything I do.

Things weren't always bad. I started working there at the beginning of February 2016. From the day I was hired and up until about September things started feeling different, but it really got bad in November/December. In the first seven months I worked there I always got complimented on my work ethic. I got along great with all my coworkers and I loved my job.

When I noticed things starting to get weird, I decided to go to my boss at the time and tell him about my disability, hoping he would be more understanding about things that were difficult for me which proved to be wrong. Things started going downhill from there.
I tried talking to my manager at the time and I told him as well in hopes to get at least one person to understand. All I ever wanted was someone to understand, someone to at least try to understand and try to help. Someone to try and get through to me and help me improve. My parents got involved when things started getting really bad in March of this year and I learned that my bosses told my manager to stop giving me constructive criticism. I was extremely shocked to learn this because they were basically setting me up to fail at that point. I need constructive criticism to know what to fix. If someone does not correct me, I will do the task the same way I did even if it takes too long or if it's wrong. I can't help it.

Before my last day working there, I was up until 3am writing a paper for my ex bosses and my ex manager. I wrote them a paper about what Asperger's was and how it can affect people throughout the different stages of their life as well as included how it affected me. My motivation in writing this paper was because I could tell they were uneducated on the subject and that they did not take the time to learn about what it was. Nobody tried to learn about it to try and better help me. None of them tried to understand what could be going on in my mind and understand why I do certain things the way I do. Upon one of my ex bosses referring to Asperger's as a sickness asking me if I "recently got it." Upon learning my other boss felt disrespected by me because I have trouble maintaining eye contact, which is something I struggle with even with my own family, though I have worked on this and have seen improvement it is still difficult for me.

I didn't realize how badly this got to me until recently. Although there have been a lot of positives from this experience, like becoming stronger as a person and more confident in everything about myself, there have been some negatives. I'm job hunting at the moment because I need to start saving money for things like school and a car. Something I realized is I get very anxious every time I fill out a new application, every time I think about getting a new job even though I want one. I'm afraid that something that happened at my old work will happen again. I know that most places are accepting and understanding and include everyone, partially because it is law, but I just have this fear that it will happen again. My family has been amazing through all of this and I cannot be more thankful for having such a supportive family. With their help I am slowly getting over the anxiety of finding a new job and I get am starting to get excited about finding somewhere else to work.

I apologize this is so long, but I condensed a lot of it. This all happened in a period of 8 months from September till May, when I finally left and till now as well, dealing with the aftermath of everything. I don't expect everyone to read this but if anyone read the whole thing, thank you and I promise to try and be more active.

~Haylie ❤️