Stranger To Myself (Ongoing + R R R R E E E E A A A L L Y SLOW UPDATES)

10

Damn, why did Mark have to wake me up, I was about to learn something interesting. I would slap him if I wouldn't feel so numb, my body won't listen to me, I can't even blink.

All I see is a blur of too many colours swirling around and making my headache worse. I would shut my eyes if I could. Strong arms lift me up and we start to move. I feel my pupils narrowing when we reach a lighter surrounding, maybe one of the hospital corridors

A few moments ago my heartbeat was racing but now it's as slow as a frogs heart in winter, too slow.

I just want to sleep.

I only have to give in, why fight for a life I know nothing about?  Why should I not let myself sink into a deep slumber and float through the nothingness of forgotten dreams? Why would I want to be alive?

Just give in, I'm not important to this universe anyway, who would care?

I would love to give in to these thoughts but something is holding me back, a part of me wants to live, wants to know what happened to me, wants to know my past, my present and the future, wants to solve the mysteries of life, especially my life.

Although I tried to hold on to this silver string of hope, my senses left me and when I woke up again I found myself lying in a hospital bed. Again.

A vase with fresh cornflowers is standing next to me and when I look at them I see something else: windows, with curtains. I want to see whats outside but I can't move because I'm connected to a mess of wires and monitors which makes me feel as if I was tied up. Again.

Used to that kind of situation, aren't we?

A few seconds passed and then Sally entered the room as if she could sense when someone woke up.

Well...maybe she actually can...

"Glad to see that you resurrected from the dead. You don't have to wonder, we transferred you to another floor with fewer security measures because even on a starship such things are expensive. And the technic up here is much better. I hope our trust won't encourage you to misuse it and try to escape again.", Sally said with the smile on her face that starts to creep me out.

Huh? There was security in my old room?

Sally goes to the other side of the room, the side with windows, and draws the curtains open.  I can see black space but as my eyes get used to the darkness outside, I can see more and more light dots and small and big pieces of rock.

Then she turns around and when she reached my bed, she moves her hands to my head. I shake my head so that she can't get a grip on it, out of instinct of course. Not that  I don't trust her or so, I just want to be sure what she was going to do...

"I don't want to do you any harm. I have to check your bandages daily, you had a heavy wound at the back of your head.", Sally explains. Only then I notice the fabric that is tied around my head tightly.

"But I was just asleep for like two hours ???"

"No, you weren't. You passed out for an entire week, we were afraid you wouldn't wake up again."

She looks at me as if was a child that didn't tidy its room.

I had many questions but now I only have a single one:

"Why?"

"The other doctors believe that it had something to do with your concussion but I think it was something different. When I made a scan of your head to see if everything was still alright, I found a blind spot that lays almost right behind your right ear. I think it has something to do with that. By the way: I think the tattoo is really cool.", Sally says and finishes her explanation with a wink.

She is definitely trying to distract me from the information she just gave me.

"Thanks but what exactly does that 'blind' spot mean?"

"There seems to be something that's not part of your natural body but it has been there for a while now. We can see that it is there but we can't see what it is. Back in the days, doctors would have thought it was a blind spot in the monitor but such things are nearly imposssible nowadays. It must be some kind of material that is not magnetic, otherwise it should have been pulled out when I made the scan, you should know that the machine is highly magnetic."

"I understand, but what exactly is that thing inside my head doing? Or even better: why is that thing inside my head?!"

I almost start to panic at the thought of something in my head that doesn't belong there.

After a while of silence, Sally answers.

"Well...I don't know. I thought you could give me some answers but now that I see that you seem to know even less than me about that thingy, I would like to ask you if you'd mind me taking a few other tests in order to find out what it is."

"Uhm...Well, if you tell me what tests you mean and inform me about the risks I'm more likely to agree on that."

I'm scared.

She smiles again, the smile seems more human this time.

"I'll tell you all about it when it's time but now you should go and grab some food. You seem perfectly healthy again. Let's see if you can walk, I'll just disconnect you from all that confusing stuff.", she says while fumbling around with her nimble fingers. She's definitely used to that kind of work.

No shit Sherlock, she works in the operating room, guess why?

I jump out of my bed as soon as I'm free, well...what is freedom?

I must have taken things too fast because at the exact moment my feet touch the cold floor, my knees lose strength and I fall to the ground.

I really should eat something...and a bit of sport wouldn't be bad either.

I feel like a newborn foal. I succeed to stand up on the third try. My legs still feel a bit shaky but it works for me.

Waiting at the door, Sally gives me an encouraging smile and I walk towards her.

Jup, newborn...great, you're learning fast! Now try to go to mummy, let's see if you can do it!

Ugh...Why does a part of me love mocking myself?

Sally leads me towards the cafeteria and leaves me by the giant glass door. She's a nurse she has other patients too. Even though we're on a starship there seem to be a lot of injured and sick people. The question is: why?

Anyways...

I enter the cafeteria and there are surprisingly few people. Having taken a food tray, I search the room for someone I might know or someone who knows me even though I know there is a minimal possibility that I know someone else but  Mark and Sally, and the possibility that I recognize someone I know is even less.

Taking one of the many empty seats, I wonder about the reasons for my memory loss, visions or whatever they are and the one-week pass-outs.