IT WAS ALL COMING DOWN IN A STARTLING, HURTLING CRASH.
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But it was all ending, and that was good too. All she had to do was talk.
Talk to the boy who, with her and Lily's own doing, somehow fell in love with her. The boy who, in a couple of minutes, would completely unravel in front of her. All this anticipation, the horrible horrible waiting, had led to this moment. Tessa would be horrified at herself if she was happy. She was not.
"Hey Tess. Why am I here? Is this a surprise or something? My birthday's not for a while ya know but I'll take whatever you're planning-"
"Yes and no."
James smiled. An innocent, unknowing smile. He didn't know that she was about to crush him, destroy the security and trust he had for her, the possible future, if he had ever thought that far. This was harder than she imagined. Was she overthinking it all?
"I'm not interested anymore." She accidentally blurted out.
Tessa had meant to do it slowly. She had hoped that he'd get the message bit by bit, maybe lay off and leave in confusion and bugger her the next day only to finally understand a week later. She wanted him to recieve the harsh words in methodological, pre-planned steps. She didn't want to hurt him so bad.
He laughed. Confused, though it was evident he knew.
"Wh-what?"
Damn that laugh.
"I'm not...this thing...we can't. I'm done."
No laugh this time. Lots of blinking. Hand through hair. A sigh. Then, a nervous, shaky laugh.
"What uh, what are you done with? This surprise? That's okay. We can just hang out now. Let's sit by that tree you like, Tess. Let's do something else. Fine by me."
Tessa thought up the worst memories she could. Being laughed at and scrutinized and humiliated at Hogsmeade by those pricks of old ladies due to her blood status, seeing Lily cry, Adelaide slowly forgetting about her, and many more. As much as possible. Anything to blind her from the teary-eyed, stuttering boy in front of her. She needed angry thoughts to numb her. Was this guilt she was feeling?
With a straight face she replied, cold and void of any feeling.
"No. I'm done with us. I can't do this anymore."
No laugh. No smirk. No more blinking. Frustration evident. Knees shaking slightly. Lips moving but never uttering a word. Tears welling up but never falling down. Was it time to stop? Tessa noticed a tear threatening to roll down his cheek, it was so so close. Did she really cause this?
"We've only been together for a few months. We can still make it work. We can still make it wor-"
"We can't, James. That's the thing! We can't make this work, I know it. I know it I know it I know it. So I think it'd be better if we just-"
Anger. Panic. Lots of emotion. Loss of emotion.
"How do you know that? How can you say that? We were so happy yesterday! I really did think that we could maybe last. Merlin, I even thought...nevermind. You're being so selfish, Brookes. I believed I was in love with you, you know? Of course you know. Is this some sort of cruel joke? Because I know I've hurt people in the past but this? You- I...."
Nothing.
The way he looked at her. With so much desperation, sadness, anger, shock, yet even a little bit of pride somehow. James Potter was not one to question his self worth, which made it easier for the both of them. He looked at her with such, such...Tessa couldn't explain it. It was as if he despised her, was annoyed by her, yet he still wished she'd take it all back and they'd slowly forget about it all together. Like a poorly planned joke. Maybe she had imagined that last part.
She wanted to hear him laugh again, like she'd just told the worst pun in the world but he still laughed because he loved her. She really wanted him to say the words 'I love you, Tessa'. She would've told him everything. She would've abandoned the plan then and there.
He laughed. But it was entirely new. It was mean, and sneering, and despised her. A laugh that made her feel like crying. He hated her now, she just knew.
And she hated that.
"Goodbye Tessa."
"Goodby-"
The door closed calmly behind her. It scared her even more than the expected slam. She sat there, frozen, hands in her lap, hair in a neat ponytail.
