Just Because (bxb)

The Bandages

The next day I didn't feel like school so I just stayed at home. The teachers don't care. I checked my messages on Facebook and saw a message from Densil.

"Hey wanna hang out today?"

"I'm not going to school. You're welcome to come over but I don't wanna get you in trouble"

"Oh okay"

After that I lied back in bed and slept for another 30 minutes. I got washed dressed and ate some cereal. While I was watching tv there was a knock on the door.

I opened the door and find Densil. Small little Densil looking up at me with his small big blue eyes. I got a little lost in them then I heard a cough.

"Oh er what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to act like nothing happened.

"You said I could come over," he said quietly

"Oh yeah (*mumbles* I forgot) but you'll get in trouble"

He just shrugged and stepped in.

I frowned at him and closed the door.

I find him on the sofa, looking at all the drawings on the wall. Most by Picasso. There are few but I don't know who by. I thought they seemed interesting so I got them. His mouth was wide open as if in shock. I joined him and flipped channels. It was awkward again so I just watched tv pretending he wasn't there. Suddenly a strange noise came from his direction.

"Sorry. Can I have food?" He asked.

My house is huge and the kitchen is at the back so I had to take him through the large hallway. I could have walked straight but I thought maybe he wanted to see the rest. I don't usually go this way. But I can't remember why. We went up the stairs and walked through the hallway. Just as I was about to go down another set of stairs something caught my eye. My old room. On the door it had in my messy childhood writing (not that my writing is any better now). "Alans roomm". The 'r' being backwards of course. For a while I just stared at it, not noticing Densil walking towards it. Reality hits me when he starts to open it.

"No!" I yell and slapped his hand away.

He gasped and stepped away immediately. He looked and his hand and stroked it, pouting. When he stepped back I saw a horror in his eyes. Horror that I'd never seen before. I sighed.

"Sorry. There's so many memories that I want to forget. It would kill me to see it," I explained.

He just nodded and went downstairs. We went through the dining room and finally got to the kitchen. The kitchen is the only thing that hasn't had a make over. English Victorians built this when they emigrated over here. This whole town was one huge plantation. The only things that's different is the refrigerator. I don't use the oven cos I always get take away but I got snacks.

I let Densil walk around while I went back upstairs.

I stared at my wall and closed my eyes.

(*in mind* "you piece of shit" "I'm sorry I can't help it" "why?! why are you this?" "I don't know. I'm just not attracted to -" *slap* "I'm gonna make sure your father slaps the gay outta you" "no please!")

"Alan?"

I opened my eyes and found myself crouched with my hand over my ears.

"Are you okay?" Densil asked, "you were screaming 'no'"

"I'm fine. Let's go back to the tv room" I said, walking down the hall.

*********

All day I couldn't stop thinking about Densil's bandages. I wanted to ask him about it but I was scared I would offend him. He must have known something was on my mind.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he said, his English accent sliding off his tongue.

I just gave him a strange look. He rolled his eyes and said "what are you thinking of?"

"Oh er nothing," I said.

He shook his head.

"Nope. Something's wrong. I can see it in your eyes," he said and came right close to my face. So close could feel his hot breath against my face.

"It's just.... you're bandages," I gulped, "what are they for?"

Densil looked at the floor, ashamed.

"Oh well. It's nothing I usually talk about-"

"It's okay if you don't want to," I abruptly interrupted.

"No no it's okay," he took a deep breath and continued, "My parents never liked each other or me. My father isn't interested in us at all. Not even my a star brother Ryan. My mother loves him. Always proud of him. She despises me. She said I was an ugly baby and I only got uglier. The only time my father is interested in us is when he's drunk. He gets suspicious. Always thinks my mother is cheating on him. My brother is always at some club so he gets lucky. My dad blames me for everything. His crappy job, any debt and more. When I was 8 he was so bad he grabbed my arm and a knife and cut my arm. I cried my eyes out but really I liked the pain. It made me feel better. I started cutting myself. After my dad beat me or my mother I'd get a blade and dig it into my skin. I don't cry anymore I laugh. When I was 12 I came out but nobody knew until I was 14. Boy was my parents made. I got the worst beating ever. When I went to my room after my brother sniggered at me. I cried for the first time since I was 8 that night. I've never told anyone else I'm gay. Until now. I'm 15 now. 16 in two months. My father said if I was still gay by the time I'm 16 he'd kill me. But I just can't turn straight. It's not my fault I'm gay. Do you understand?"

I sighed.

"Yes. I do. "