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patrick laid awake that night. that was the first time he'd - basically - said that he liked pete out loud. and he now knew that pete liked him back. and he was scared. yes, he was extremely happy when his friends had told him, but lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, had made him over-think it all. his friends wanted him to ask pete out. and let me tell you, he wanted to, but he just couldn't bring himself to. he was just plain scared. even though andy and joe had told him to take his time, patrick was still worrying himself. even he thought that it was stupid himself.

but why was he scared? there was really no reason for him to be scared. there was no fear of rejection, no fear of being hated by his friends for being who he was. but he was still petrified. pete had been in a couple of relationships before - only one being serious, though. but he was still scared. really scared. he looked at the time, midnight. he'd been 'asleep' for three hours. he'd told his parents that he was tired, and that he was going to bed early. in reality though, it was because he felt genuinely sick. there had been a whirring feeling in his stomach for the past six hours, ever since he admitted liking pete. 

he was scared of messing it up. patrick didn't like the idea of moving too fast in a relationship, and he wasn't exactly sure how quickly pete liked to move in a relationship. in his last one, pete had been forced into kissing his boyfriend. from what pete told patrick, pete was no where near ready to kiss his ex-boyfriend. that was a month into their relationship. that reassured patrick a little, but patrick was still scared that he would make pete think that he didn't like him. and he did. a lot. but patrick had spent years joking about how no one would like him, and now he found out that someone did. that make him happy that someone liked him, but patrick liked to be one hundred percent certain that someone liked him - whether it was platonic or not - before he trusted them. 

what if he didn't ask pete soon enough? and pete lost interest in him? patrick was scared of that also. according to his friends, pete had liked him since february. it was now july. it had been four months. surely, pete would lose interest in him? patrick wasn't good in social situations, and neither was pete. chances are, they'd both bottle up their feelings until the feeling went away. but patrick wanted this relationship. and patrick knew that it sounded stupid, but out of all the small crushes he'd had on people he'd talk to once or twice, he'd never felt like this. it was different. how? he didn't know.

the thing was, patrick had always thought that those days and evening in germany had meant nothing to pete. it was just something you did with your best friend. but patrick had seen it as something more - and now he knew that pete had too. it made him happy. like, over the moon happy, but still scared. it was like he was jump-scared by a horror game, and the panic hadn't subsided. all those hugs? patrick loved them. so much. in the end, he basically craved them. like the feeling when you have a small bite of chocolate, and it instantly makes you want to eat more. patrick thought he was extremely clingy, wanting hugs and things, but he never tried to show that in real life. 

patrick was wondering how he was going to face pete the next day. but why would it be any different? they'd both liked each other, and the other one didn't know. but now, only patrick knew how the other felt. it wasn't like pete knew how patrick felt. he'd just have to act exactly the same. hugs when they split ways for home room, lessons they didn't have together and what not. patrick decided that he should probably stop worrying so much. there was nothing to be worried about. it wasn't like he had to ask pete out the next day, was it? 

but the thing was, patrick felt different about it. before, joe and andy had seen it as a friendship that was 'cute', in their words. now, it was different, because they knew that both pete and patrick felt the same way about each other. it wasn't like patrick didn't trust joe and andy, but again, he was overthinking - telling himself that they would tell pete how he felt. 

sometimes, patrick's brain told him to think things that he didn't want to think, or didn't actually think. for example, when meeting someone, patrick's brain would be going 'oh hell no i don't want to talk to you.' but he would actually be thinking 'what if i mess up? i don't want to make friends with someone and ruin it. i would rather keep the friends i have, and not risk losing more people in my life if i slip up.' but patrick's brain would have none of that. he never wanted anyone to have the ability to read minds, because then people would think that he thought one thing, but he actually thought another. 

it was like the time when he first met joe. patrick liked him, but other peoples' opinions made his brain think that he'd be bullied more than he was if he was friends with joe. but he didn't want to think that. peer pressure puts a hell of a lot of strain on people, and although patrick would never fully give in, it was so difficult for him to fight the urge of his brain. eventually, patrick managed to push the thoughts in his brain away, and completely ignored what people said about joe. they were all losers any way. patrick should never have listened to them. that experience made patrick slightly stronger. patrick now trusted joe with absolutely everything. well, almost everything. pete knew slightly more about patrick as a person, but joe knew more than pete at this specific moment in time, because of what he'd told joe almost seven hours ago.

by the time that patrick eventually managed to fall asleep, it was 2am. he'd have to wake up in three and a half hours for school - although he'd probably end up waking up earlier because even when he was sleeping, the thoughts he'd had before he'd drifted off were still at the back of patrick's mind.

a/n true story tbh.

we had sports day today and i did nothing and i'm never planning to. i don't do sports. i spent two hours with my friends kind of playing an extreme version on truth or dare. 

that meant literally reading out the truth or dares then skipping them after laughing too hard because they were extremely dirty. i would say some but if my parents walk in and are like 'what are you doing?' then i'd probably get in to trouble anyways, let alone if i wrote the truths and dares down.

hope this chapter wasn't as crappy as i think it is.

also, thank you for 2k reads :) i honestly didn't think it would get anywhere near this many reads - especially in a really short amount of time :)