kik group chat

+38+

brendon, halsey and pete walked down the corridor. all of them were looking for room 182. they knew that it would be near the end somewhere - seeming as there were 200 rooms per corridor. none of them spoke. they were all too upset to talk. all of them had their guesses on what they were going to walk into. ryan could be in such a terrible state. but the thing was, they were all imagining things worse than they actually were. ryan would be fine. he was stable. there was hardly a chance that he would go downhill. he'd get better - but the three of them just let their minds tell them different. 

"should we go in one at a time? or separately. i know that we all want to say our own things to ryan... but do any of you want someone else there...?" halsey said, quietly. she, for one, wanted to go in alone. just to say some things. brendon and pete muttered something along the lines of wanting to go in alone, so that's what they agreed on. brendon would go in first, then halsey, then pete. when they came out, they'd have someone else out there to support them. once they were all done, they'd go back to the group, then the others would go in.

-brendon's pov-

what if he didn't make it? he's been my best friend for pretty much as long as i can remember. i can't really remember a day where he wasn't there when i needed him. but now, i'd failed to be there when he really needed me. i'm such a failure of a friend. i didn't pick up on the signs that i needed to. ryan wasn't okay, and i didn't notice. i thought that everything was fine. if i'd been a better friend, none of this would've happened. ryan wouldn't be on the verge of death. i could've prevented it. but i didn't see the signs. i sat down beside his bed. he deserves an apology from me.

"ryan. i'm so fucking sorry. i didn't see through that wall you put up. you're always there for me. you always see what's going on in my head. why am i such a crap friend? i could've done so much for you, yet i was too ignorant to see the signs. i know this is all my fault... but why didn't you tell me? i would've tried to help you. no matter what, i'm going to be there for you. we've been best friends for years. you've helped me through so much. i know there's nothing i can do now, it's happened. but i'm going to be here every day. i'm going to be there when you wake up. because you will wake up... right? please wake up. i can't live without you, ry. i can't imagine a life without you." i took a deep breath. 

"you know, the receptionist man person wouldn't tell us what had happened unless we were family. so hayley said that she was your sister, and that i was, uh, your boyfriend." i scratched the back of my neck nervously, even though he couldn't hear me. i smiled weakly. "i hope you don't mind. i didn't. i mean, what? i'm going to forget that i ever said that." i reached out to him, and moved his hair out of his eyes. he hated hair in his eyes. i then held his hand.

"actually, you can't hear me, so i'm not going to forget i said that. ryan, i've been thinking about this for a long time now. i kind of 'officially' realised this after we were told what had happened. ryan, i like you. a lot. it's useless telling you this, you can't hear me. but i needed to tell you that. even though you won't know when you wake up." i dropped his hand and stood up.

"pete and halsey are outside now. i'm going to let them come in. then everyone else is going to come in here to talk to you. the other ryan's here, you know. he's really tall. taller than you. but shorter than dallon. talking about dallon, he's asking his parents if he can come over here. hey, you're bringing us all together. that's the only good thing about this, isn't it? i don't think barnacle boy wanted to meet you like this. barnacle boy is the other ryan, by the way. i thought of it, do you like it? i haven't called him that yet, i want to everyone's reaction together. bye ryan, i'll be back in an hour or so."

i opened the door, wiping my tears from my face. i never wanted to see ryan in that state. i didn't think i'd ever have to. tubes all attached to him. it was weird. he looked so pale. he didn't look like ryan. but i wasn't expecting him to. i held the door open for halsey, who thanked me and walked in. she had tears in her eyes. i gave pete a hug, and we stayed like that.

-halsey's pov-

when i walked into ryan's room, i didn't expect him to look as he did. in some respects, that was good. i imagined him looking like a dead body. i mean, he was pale and cold, but i could see his chest moving up and down. and that's the good part. i sat down next to him and held his hand. it was warm. must have been from where brendon was holding it a few seconds ago. i smiled weakly. at least i knew that he was alive.

"fucking hell, ryan. i don't know where to start. you and brendon were my first friends. you mean so much to me. i just don't know why you did what you did. why did you feel like that ryan? who made you feel like that? hell, you've been in a coma for a day. i only knew about two hours ago. it feels like an eternity. you were the life of the party most of the time. the one with the memes. hey, even if pete said that you aren't the true meme, you always will be to me." i squeezed his hand, hoping that he would do the same back. i knew that it was false hope, i just wanted to try.

"what are you doing to us ryan? even the strongest of us are crying over this. even the smurf-head - the other ryan. he's known you for - what? - two days? yes, he's shaken up about it. the others are crying, of course. i think the only person who hasn't turned on the water works is mr armstrong. yes, he's here too. he cares about you ryan. everyone does. don't let anyone tell you any different." i sniffed, getting serious now.

"ryan. i fucking love you so much. no, i'm not taking brendon's place - he's going to be your boyfriend some day. you're both so in love with each other, yet both of you are so oblivious to it. you're both blind as hell. brendon's falling to pieces, ry. we need you back. not just for brendon's sake, but for all of us. we can't have all of our friends falling apart to halftime now, can we? i'm going to let pete come in, he's been crying non-stop - well, that's what i've seen. i love you, ry. you're strong. come back to us." i stood up, letting go of his hands. i did the same as brendon did, held the door open for pete, as he walked in, head down. brendon opened his arms to hug me, and i happily accepted.

-pete's pov-

in that hospital room, i didn't know what to do with myself. my best friend was lying on a hospital bed - in a coma. there were so many tubes attached to him that through my blurry vision, i could barely see him under there. i sat down - presumably where both brendon and halsey had been not long ago.

"ryan," i started. "i don't know what to say. it's just... why? why would you do this to yourself? you're so perfect. you're the best friend anyone could ask for. you're always there. you're either next to me in a class, a few classrooms down, two houses away or a text away. but now, however many messages i try to send to you, you'll never see them until you wake up. i know texting you is pointless, but rambling into a dead phone is honestly my way of comforting myself right now."

"i don't know how much pressure that you were under. even the slightest thing could've triggered this. how long are you going to be asleep? yes, that's how i'm taking this. you're just asleep. you aren't in a coma where they're drip feeding you. and i'm not in a hospital room, talking to someone who can't hear me. yeah, we're at your house. i sneaked in through the window to steal some food while you and your family were asleep. i'm just eating cold pizza from your fridge and watching you sleep. it sounds creepy - but it's better than facing reality, am i right or am i right?" i stood up and left the room. i couldn't look at him in that state anymore.

a/n wow. that took me about an hour to type. the next chapter will be the rest of them going in to see ryan. that will be a long chapter, so it could take me anywhere between a week or two weeks to finish. the drama will be over by chapter/part 41, promise... maybe.