to you

regret

the small city
was lit up by the few stars
that still shined consistently
through the hours of darkness
i spent wide awake
with a small group of newly made friends.
that night,
i came to the decision
to tell them.
they know i'm gay.

it was a topic we spoke of
among other sensitive ones.
words spilled from my mouth,
the dam finally crumbled down to the bottom.
but it was quickly constructed back up again,
and the words were held back into my mind
because i was making one of them
uncomfortable.
he was feeling dizzy
from all this talk;
i made him feel bad;
it was my fault he felt this way
and why he wanted to leave.
i had forgotten
that he had grown up in a different world
where things were taught differently,
where they shield people from the dark truth of the people of earth.
i stopped talking
when i realized it was hard for him to take it all in
and now
i can't help but know

they all think of me differently
now that they know.

every breath i took
filled my lungs with regret.
i wish i never told them
and that none of it ever came up
in our conversations.
i never meant to make someone feel
terrible.

i'm sorry.

it wasn't much,
but that night was enough
to make me go from

peering under the closet door
to hiding in the very back,
behind all the hanging clothes,
my words never to be spoken again
as shame and regret engulf me.