Hopeful |Martinus Gunnarsen|

So, So Painful

(This part is a bit extra so be prepared)
*Fulham, London 21.02.2020*

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I'd been laying there for ages in pain with Martinus next to me getting paler, as the sky got even darker. Our hands still intertwined except he isn't holding on. Not anymore.Tears falling down my face I tried to deal with the pain. I was bleeding out. Getting weaker by the second. Martinus' hand was cold. Cold. That made my heart sink. What was going on? Who did this? Why did they do this?
I didn't want to survive. If Martinus wasn't going to, neither was I. I can't let him go alone. I gave out a high pitched groan then I sat up. I looked down at Martinus and used all my strength to stand up. I let out a lot of noise, to deal with the pain.
I hunched over to Martinus. I looked at his pail cheeks. One of my stray tears fell onto his left cheek. I wiped it of before going behind him and pushing him up from his back. I gritted my teeth, struggling to hold him up. I barely got him up. I put my arms around him. Like we were hugging. It made me feel even worse. His cold skin against mine.
I started pulling him along the grass towards the town streets. No one was around. None of the close stores were open and I couldn't see any lights in windows.
I started to pull him to the Starbucks I work at. It was up on a small hill like area. It was the most struggle I've gone through. My back was stinging the whole way because Martinus' dirty football jersey was digging into the hole in my back.
Once we got to the building I put him down and I started to try the doors. I was hoping the store would be open. How stupid of me. Of course they wouldn't be. It's the weekend. It was late at night. They aren't open anymore.
I hit the doors with the last of my strength. I leant onto the door and slid against it down to the floor. Martinus was laying a meter away from me still getting paler. I was crying in my head but physically I just couldn't anymore. I was done I had nothing left.

*Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, London 22.02.2020*
Marcus Gunnarsen's POV

10:00am
I walk into their room with a few snacks in my hand. I'm going to be here a while. I sat inbetween their beds on a metal chair. I put my stuff on the small table. I stared at them. Their pale, lifeless faces. Why did this happen? Goddammit what was wrong with that person?! Shooting innocent people in a park.
I heard a knock at the door of the room. "Come in!" I said as I wiped away the few tears falling down my face.
Doctor Field walked in and grabbed one of the other metal chairs and placed it in front of me. He sat down in it and looked deep in my eyes. They felt a bit puffy so I guess he could see that I've been tearing up. "I'm such a wuss". I looked up at Dr. Field from the embarrasment of saying that out loud by accident.
"No you aren't Gunnarsen. You stopped that shooter. You are a hero to many" he said, obviously trying to make me feel better. "Not to them I'm not" I said as I looked towards Martinus and Tara laying on their hospital beds. "I'm sure they'll be proud to hear that you stopped the person who did this to them" Dr. Field tried again. "THEY ARE ALMOST DEAD! I SHOULD BE DEAD NOT THEM!" I shouted at him in anger and sadness. "Mr. Gunnarsen calm down. You aren't to blame for this". "NO! HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM THE F*CK DOWN WHEN MY BROTHER IS PRACTICALLY F*CKING DEAD YOU MOTHERF*CKER" I couldn't stop myself. I was just so upset. "I'M SO F*CKING STUPID! I NEED TO DIE! I'M SUCH A BLOODY WUSS! I F*CKING HATE MYSELF!" I kept shouting and I started hitting the walls with my fists and kicking things. I didn't pay attention to my surroundings. All I could hear was myself and a faint voice saying "Marcus, Marcus stop". I screamed out. I did it again. It released my anger.
Suddenly many pairs of hands grabbed me by the arms legs. They tried to restrict my movement. I swirled around trying to get out of their grip. I was still screaming. My throat was aching and itching but I didn't stop. Tears had been running down my face again. They were carrying me somewhere silent. They pushed me into a room and closed the door. I ran up to the door and kicked, punched and screamed at it. As I realised it wouldn't help and knelt down onto the floor. I crawled into a ball. I cried into my knees. What is wrong with me. Martinus needs me and all I'm doing is screaming. I need to calm down.
I took deep breaths and just lied on the floor staying calm, gathering myself. Gathering hope...

A/N: A bit of a crazy chapter. Sorry for the foul language.